Tag: Politics

News

Joseph Smith Hologram Announces Presidential Run

Joseph Smith Hologram’s candidacy was officially announced in a press conference earlier today. The hologram stated, “Many saints have wondered which party is correct, but all of their platforms are an abomination, and their candidates are all corrupt.” In a time when American’s are concerned with corruption in office, and with anti-establishment candidates like Kanye West being edged out of the race, this digital prophet … Continue reading Joseph Smith Hologram Announces Presidential Run

Albert Camus
News

Kanye Releases Presidential Platform Based Entirely on the LDS Children’s Songbook

When famous rapper, singer, and songwriter Kanye West announced that he would be running for president earlier this week, few people took him seriously. Just this morning, however, West doubled-down on his presidential aspirations, releasing a detailed platform of ideas. Critics are already pointing out that the 70-page manifesto is based entirely on the text and melodies of the Children’s Songbook of the Church of … Continue reading Kanye Releases Presidential Platform Based Entirely on the LDS Children’s Songbook

Warren Dusenberry
News

ICE Doubles Down, Announces All College Students to be Deported Due to Online Classes

On July 6th, a new ICE policy came to light that would require all international college students enrolled in exclusively online courses to leave the United States. Today, ICE doubled down and expanded their policy to include all college students, regardless of nationality. “We figured, hey why do all these no-good freeloading college wimps need to be here? They’re doing all their classes online anyways, … Continue reading ICE Doubles Down, Announces All College Students to be Deported Due to Online Classes

Donald Cherry
News

Government Changes Independence Day to the Third of July in Honor of “Hamilton”

The United States government has declared that the Fourth of July will now be the Third of July, coinciding with Hamilton’s release on Disney Plus. “I’m glad we’re recognizing the relation between Independence Day and the availability of Hamilton,” said A.J. Hamilton (no relation). “We’re about to experience freedom like never before.” Noting that “history has its eyes on [the U.S. government],” the move to … Continue reading Government Changes Independence Day to the Third of July in Honor of “Hamilton”

Gail Black
News

AR-15 Unexpectedly Wins Utah Governor Republican Primary

According to latest reporting it appears that an AR-15 has won the Republican nomination for Governor of Utah. There is no historical precedent for inanimate objects running for governor, but that didn’t stop voters from choosing the Armalite firearm in overwhelming numbers. Election officials are as surprised as anyone at this development. “It’s never really happened this way before, but we’re very sure that we’ve … Continue reading AR-15 Unexpectedly Wins Utah Governor Republican Primary

Donald Cherry