Student Beginning to Realize Just How Screwed She is for Midterms
In the season of unexpected snowstorms and uninvited professions of love come the nemesis of every college student: midterms. According to reliable sources, one local student has declared that she is “completely screwed” for all her upcoming exams. “I just don’t know what to do,” freshman Carolyne Carter lamented. “I thought the semester started a few days ago, and now I’ve got tests and projects … Continue reading Student Beginning to Realize Just How Screwed She is for Midterms
“Once There Was A Snowman” Removed from the Primary Hymnbook Due to Global Warming
Due to the unfortunate heat-trapping of greenhouse gases and shrinking of ice glaciers, the church has decided that it is unethical to keep this beloved hymn in the primary hymn book. “I’m going to miss this song, however, every time I think of it now, I can’t help but imagine all the polar bears who are losing their homes as we speak,” said Sister Smith, … Continue reading “Once There Was A Snowman” Removed from the Primary Hymnbook Due to Global Warming
Student Skips Mission Call Intro, Immediately Gets Smote
In what is being referred to as “an act of divine intervention,” a prospective missionary from Budge Hall was struck by lightning moments after ignoring the introductory paragraphs of his mission call. Brockson Thornton, 18, was caught up in the fervor of twenty other young men opening their calls in the Budge lobby of Tuesday night. “It was awesome at first,” remarked Thornton’s roommate, Brad … Continue reading Student Skips Mission Call Intro, Immediately Gets Smote
Student Breaks As Many Honor Code Rules As Possible Using Honor Week T-Shirt
The free t-shirt in the Wilk is every student’s favorite part of Honor Week. In fact, it’s probably the only reason any student is water that Honor Week is even a thing. However, concerns are being raised that these T-shirts may be more destructive than they are honorable, as one student has taken it upon himself to use the shirt to disobey as many policies … Continue reading Student Breaks As Many Honor Code Rules As Possible Using Honor Week T-Shirt
MIRACLE: BYU shuttle manages to fit 95% of student population in just one trip. Saves 33,000 students from having to walk less than 1 mile home.
The closing of a prayer at 2:50pm marks the end of another class period on BYU campus for hundreds of students, ushering them to the bus stop to board the famous BYU shuttle, The Ryde, for their trip home. Though this transportation system is famous for transporting impressive quantities of students from campus to their overpriced apartment buildings, it had not yet realized its full … Continue reading MIRACLE: BYU shuttle manages to fit 95% of student population in just one trip. Saves 33,000 students from having to walk less than 1 mile home.