Tag: Politics

Life

BYU Conservative Votes Blue to Rub It In Utah’s Face

Normally, Jenson McButton would vote Republican down the whole ticket. However, BYU doesn’t usually play Utah during the week of Election Day. Because the two are playing this week, Jenson can have no red anywhere in his life. “I’m a lifelong conservative, but I hate the University of Utah more than I hate Leftists,” said McButton. “Normally I love to say ‘Choose the Right’ on … Continue reading BYU Conservative Votes Blue to Rub It In Utah’s Face

Cameron Frye1 Comment
Featured

General Stabbed on the Ides of March as Helaman-Heritage War Drags On

As Heritage and Helaman Halls continue to take up arms against each other for some reason that nobody actually remembers, Army of Helaman General Audrey Thibaughlt has displayed extreme prowess as a strategist. But no hero is without flaw. Her ambition had become apparent to her officers, and they seized the opportunity to put an end to it. Thibaughlt was stabbed ten times–once for each … Continue reading General Stabbed on the Ides of March as Helaman-Heritage War Drags On

Don Cheadle
Uncategorized

BYU Students Enthusiastically Protest the Catholic Church In Honor of “Martin Luther Day”

As the United States of America comes together to fight racism and push for progress in the country, BYU students have mistakenly gone a different direction on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Students line the streets of Provo and walkways of BYU, raising their fists in support of the legacy of Martin Luther, the 14th-century theologian famous for his 95 Theses against the Catholic church. “I … Continue reading BYU Students Enthusiastically Protest the Catholic Church In Honor of “Martin Luther Day”

Kayteigh Leigh
Featured, Uncategorized

Alert: The Daily Universe is Just a Scam and Parody: DO NOT READ

It has recently come to the attention of The Alternate Universe that there is another “so-called” student-run news source at BYU. They call themselves The Daily Universe and are clearly a rip-off and scam of our very excellent and high quality newspaper. “We are obviously the original and more-trustworthy newspaper. Just look at how many more followers we have than The Daily Universe” pointed out … Continue reading Alert: The Daily Universe is Just a Scam and Parody: DO NOT READ

Sister Michael
Life

Poli Sci Student Prepares to Dominate Thanksgiving Politics Debates

Jarom Jorgensen, a sophomore at BYU studying political science, is now prepared for the debates with his family over Thanksgiving dinner. Jarom has both very conservative and liberal relatives who will inevitably start fighting over current political affairs. According to him, this year will be different. He is studying to be a lawyer and is now obviously smarter than everyone in his family, especially the … Continue reading Poli Sci Student Prepares to Dominate Thanksgiving Politics Debates

Cameron Frye