Vexillologists and incels alike have argued that the recently implemented redesign of our state flag is far more progressive and inclusive than Brigham Young ever intended for Utah to be. And after careful examination, we’ve discovered that they are right to be outraged. Let’s start with the obvious one. The woke mob is obsessed with including people, and in this case, they just had to … Continue reading Is the New Utah Flag Woke?
Normally, Jenson McButton would vote Republican down the whole ticket. However, BYU doesn’t usually play Utah during the week of Election Day. Because the two are playing this week, Jenson can have no red anywhere in his life. “I’m a lifelong conservative, but I hate the University of Utah more than I hate Leftists,” said McButton. “Normally I love to say ‘Choose the Right’ on … Continue reading BYU Conservative Votes Blue to Rub It In Utah’s Face
As Heritage and Helaman Halls continue to take up arms against each other for some reason that nobody actually remembers, Army of Helaman General Audrey Thibaughlt has displayed extreme prowess as a strategist. But no hero is without flaw. Her ambition had become apparent to her officers, and they seized the opportunity to put an end to it. Thibaughlt was stabbed ten times–once for each … Continue reading General Stabbed on the Ides of March as Helaman-Heritage War Drags On
As the United States of America comes together to fight racism and push for progress in the country, BYU students have mistakenly gone a different direction on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Students line the streets of Provo and walkways of BYU, raising their fists in support of the legacy of Martin Luther, the 14th-century theologian famous for his 95 Theses against the Catholic church. “I … Continue reading BYU Students Enthusiastically Protest the Catholic Church In Honor of “Martin Luther Day”
It has recently come to the attention of The Alternate Universe that there is another “so-called” student-run news source at BYU. They call themselves The Daily Universe and are clearly a rip-off and scam of our very excellent and high quality newspaper. “We are obviously the original and more-trustworthy newspaper. Just look at how many more followers we have than The Daily Universe” pointed out … Continue reading Alert: The Daily Universe is Just a Scam and Parody: DO NOT READ
