Tag: News

Campus, News

BYU Decides to Model Random COVID Testing Selection Process after Hunger Games Reapings

With mandatory COVID-19 testing complete for all BYU students, a new season of randomized testing is coming into full swing. Despite BYU’s randomized selection process proving highly effective this past week, the administration has made a sudden decision to alter it completely. Starting Monday, their new approach will be modeled after the reaping system in the hit teen-dystopian novel The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. … Continue reading BYU Decides to Model Random COVID Testing Selection Process after Hunger Games Reapings

Lisa Simpson
News

President Nelson Reconsiders Age of Accountability After Great-Grandson, Age 9, Swallows Magnets For Fun

Fresh off the 190th Annual General Conference, an anonymous source from Church Headquarters reports the First Presidency is reevaluating the official age of accountability.  The alleged discussion comes directly after President Nelson acknowledged his great-grandson’s knack of swallowing magnets, which almost landed him in the hospital last weekend.  For years, doctors have warned parents that when ingested, magnets can clasp together and cause severe internal … Continue reading President Nelson Reconsiders Age of Accountability After Great-Grandson, Age 9, Swallows Magnets For Fun

Sue Sylvester
News

Seeking to Do Their Part, Nation’s Karens Flood ‘Racism Inc.’ with Complaints, Negative Reviews

Typically Karens are known for berating restaurant staff and making unreasonable demands of grocery store workers. Lately however, they’ve utilized their grievance airing capabilities for good. While millions around the country idly watch the protests and riots in Minneapolis, thousands of suburban soccer moms have thrown their support behind activists in the best way they know. By early Thursday morning hundreds of negative Yelp! reviews … Continue reading Seeking to Do Their Part, Nation’s Karens Flood ‘Racism Inc.’ with Complaints, Negative Reviews

Donald Cherry