Tag: News

Campus, Featured, News

Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

The CougarEat was thrown into chaos last week when religious studies major Gordon Jacobsen unexpectedly began flipping tables and attempting to “cast out” the employees of Chick-Fil-A and other establishments. “To defile the Lord’s campus in such a way is nothing short of an affront to God,” said Jacobsen. “Jesus overthrew the seats of those who overcharge for doves in Matthew 21:12. Those who overcharge … Continue reading Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

Basil FawltyLeave a comment
Campus, Featured

BYU Announces New Arts Building is Designed by AI

In a controversial announcement, BYU has announced that the long-awaited replacement for the Harris Fine Arts Center was designed by a generative AI model, a first in the field of architecture. “The new Aarts Billdng represents our campus’s greatest step forward in architecture since the JKB,” a BYU spokesman said. In front of the building, a statue of former BYU President Franklin S. Harris beckons … Continue reading BYU Announces New Arts Building is Designed by AI

Basil Fawlty
Campus, Featured, Life, News

Testing Center Vending Machines Replace String Cheese with Adderall

With recent test scores trending downward and BYU’s academic image on the line, administrators decided to see whether it would be beneficial for test-takers to swap three bites of cheese for a clean 20mg of actual amphetamines. “This will be great because I’ve always felt like I have ADHD,” said student Nero T. Pickle, who exhibits exactly 0 symptoms of ADHD. “My friends can’t take … Continue reading Testing Center Vending Machines Replace String Cheese with Adderall

Don Cheadle
Featured, News

New Courses to Watch Out For Starting Winter 2025

With class registration opening, we want to make sure our audience is aware of every new class being offered at BYU as of Winter 2025. These will undoubtedly be in high demand, so get there before they fill up!   ECON 112: Economics of DoorDash Credits: 3 Location: HBLL 3712 Course Description: Positive and negative externalities of submitting to all twelve obligatory service fees.   … Continue reading New Courses to Watch Out For Starting Winter 2025

Don Cheadle
Featured, Life, News, Provo

BYU Student Solves Racism With Simple Equation

Well folks, the wait is finally over! Give your friend of color a high-five and maybe a kiss on the mouth because racism is officially done for. For years, expert sociologists have been trying to find a solution to discrimination, but some white boy just figured it out for a bit of Monday afternoon fun! The moment math and ethics prodigy Paxton Bright found the … Continue reading BYU Student Solves Racism With Simple Equation

Don Cheadle