Tag: Featured

Uncategorized

Distraught Student Confesses Textbook Piracy to Bishop

As a new semester dawns, students across campus confront astronomical textbook prices and some turn to less-than-legitimate sources for class materials. In an interview with his bishop earlier this morning, freshman Ammon Zedekiahson confessed to engaging in the unthinkable: downloading pirated textbooks off a shady website. “I just couldn’t deal with the guilt,” Zedekiahson said through tears. “I’ve never done something this terrible.”  Jeremy Jensen, … Continue reading Distraught Student Confesses Textbook Piracy to Bishop

Kit Kittredge
Life

Donald Trump Renames Utah Lake to “BYU Lake”

President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday night changing the name of Utah Lake to BYU Lake. According to him, “It’s a change everyone has been wanting. ‘B-Y-U Lake’ just has a much better ring. BYU will reclaim its rightful place as the greatest, most powerful, most respected university on earth inspiring the awe, admiration of the entire world. We are changing the name … Continue reading Donald Trump Renames Utah Lake to “BYU Lake”

Cameron Frye
Featured, News

Is the New Utah Flag Woke?

Vexillologists and incels alike have argued that the recently implemented redesign of our state flag is far more progressive and inclusive than Brigham Young ever intended for Utah to be. And after careful examination, we’ve discovered that they are right to be outraged. Let’s start with the obvious one. The woke mob is obsessed with including people, and in this case, they just had to … Continue reading Is the New Utah Flag Woke?

Don Cheadle
Featured, Uncategorized

Do I have IBS or a student meal plan?

With a recent rise in clogged toilets at Helaman Halls, students have started to wonder if their gastrointestinal issues are signs of a new IBS diagnosis, or just because they are forced to eat at the cannon center. “I thought those bombs I dropped in the Budge hall toilet were a sign that I might have irritable bowel syndrome, but I’m starting to think it … Continue reading Do I have IBS or a student meal plan?

Kim Possible
Campus

Ghost of MLK Thanks BYU for Ending Racism

Early this morning, the administration of BYU received an angelic message from on high. The benevolent Ghost of Martin Luther King Jr. proclaimed that “Brigham Young University has done more to combat racism than any other institution on the planet.” MLK’s ghost cited many examples of students from Utah finally encountering their first person of color. “Coming to BYU taught me that people of color … Continue reading Ghost of MLK Thanks BYU for Ending Racism

Cameron Frye