Tag: Featured

Campus, Life

Cosmo Cougar Facing Backlash After Nude Homecoming Scandal

Nobody knew that cougars could have six packs, and nobody wanted to know. Over the weekend, #CosmoCanceled became the number one trending hashtag on social media platforms due to the BYU mascot’s recent homecoming performance. The cougar surprised all present when, without (official) authorization by BYU, he tore his shirt off and began to perform a traditional Hawaiian fire dance.  Observers were unwillingly exposed to … Continue reading Cosmo Cougar Facing Backlash After Nude Homecoming Scandal

Dr. Doof
Campus, Featured, Life

Provo Men Thinking About Zarahemla Again

Ladies, have you noticed the men in your life staring off into space after reading in Mosiah? How often does your boyfriend/fiancé/second cousin think about Captain Moroni, Alma the Younger, and King Benjamin? Has he ever said something like “Teancum was such a boss” or “Man, I wish Helaman was still around” or “I wrote in Pahoran for city council?” If so, you may be … Continue reading Provo Men Thinking About Zarahemla Again

Paul Atreides
Life

Commemorative “Pumpkin Spice” Option Introduced to Sacrament Meeting

In a dual effort to celebrate the beauty of fall and increase YSA ward attendance, the Utah Area Presidency has introduced a new pumpkin spice sacrament option. The recent change comes after a supposed correlation was found between a drop in fall YSA Ward attendance and a surprising rise in Starbucks revenues within the Utah Area. Further research found that this revenue spike came not … Continue reading Commemorative “Pumpkin Spice” Option Introduced to Sacrament Meeting

Dr. Doof
Life

The Sun is Back

The Sun has returned. Yes, dear readers, through our combined prayers and diligence, we have brought back the orb of plasma that gives light and life to all on this ball of dirt. “Well, I guess I can get back to sinning,” was the response of Chet Jeffrey, Village resident and Aptive salesman. “I almost deleted Mutual, I was so scared.” Others, including Bradley Worthington, … Continue reading The Sun is Back

Paul Atreides