“Dead Learning Suite Theory” Suggests Everyone On LS Except You is a Bot

Campus conspiracy theorists have been abuzz lately over an unsettling new claim: that BYU’s Learning Suite tool, the staple of the university’s digital education endeavors, now consists solely of a complex network of AI bots. This would render every single interaction on the platform, from discussion boards to assignment feedback, meaningless and artificial, even more than they already were. The theory spawns from a series … Continue reading “Dead Learning Suite Theory” Suggests Everyone On LS Except You is a Bot

St. Patrick’s Day Rebranded to Celebrate Elder Kearon: “Patrick’s Day”

In late 2023, a new member of the Quorum of the Twelve was ordained: an Englishman who has quickly captured the minds, and especially the hearts, of many members of the Church. March 17th, a day that has traditionally celebrated the achievements of St. Patrick of Ireland, has been reworked this year to instead focus on a superior Patrick– namely, Patrick Kearon. “We felt that … Continue reading St. Patrick’s Day Rebranded to Celebrate Elder Kearon: “Patrick’s Day”

PLEEEASE STAAAY!: Woman Questions Faith After Benson Boone Leaves Church

And just like that, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has lost another American Idol pretty boy. The news of superstar Benson Boone’s official disassociation with the church has had a profound effect on both the media, and Boone’s Latter Day Saint fanbase. Kimmie White, one such fan explained to Alternate Universe her own feelings about the event: “I just don’t know … Continue reading PLEEEASE STAAAY!: Woman Questions Faith After Benson Boone Leaves Church

New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

In an effort to preserve BYU greatness, our new BYUSA president has swiftly enacted a comprehensive list of executive decisions to take effect immediately. Take a look: Reducing the radical cost of vending machine sandwiches The chicken bacon ranch ciabatta will now cost only 50 cents Securing the border between UVU and BYU campus The border will be strengthened to prevent the flow of progressive … Continue reading New BYUSA President Signs New Executive Orders

Choose2Give Campaign Resorts to Vigilantism

After receiving less donations than expected this year, the Choose2Give campaign has hired a masked figure to secure sufficient funds for students in need. These funds are reportedly being procured through the attacking of random students and redistributing the loot to other random students. “He’s like a broken Robin Hood that steals from the poor to give to the poor,” says economics major Nataleigh Bryant. … Continue reading Choose2Give Campaign Resorts to Vigilantism