Tag: Featured

Featured, Uncategorized

Galentine’s Party Lasts Whole 20 Minutes Before It’s Just Women Spiraling About Singledom

Provo resident Taysom Stanton’s Galentine’s Party started at 7pm and ended at 7:20pm. Setting a new record, her party lasted a full 20 minutes before devolving into nothing more than women commiserating about singledom. The short-lived cheer proved that $100 worth of pink decor is no match for a room full of 20 women who can’t remember the last time they’ve been held. “No amount … Continue reading Galentine’s Party Lasts Whole 20 Minutes Before It’s Just Women Spiraling About Singledom

Lisa Simpson
Life

Palentine’s Day Works Out Great Despite Zero Planning

Several weeks ago, some roommates decided to celebrate Palentine’s Day, but they never ended up planning anything. It didn’t matter because they just grabbed some Little Caesars and played some Smash Bros. “It was actually better than we ever intended. I didn’t know McKay was a Pichu main now, so I guess we’re all caught up,” said McKimball Smith. Later they moved onto playing 2K. … Continue reading Palentine’s Day Works Out Great Despite Zero Planning

Cameron Frye
5 Things to Know, Campus

5 Things to Know About BYUSA

It’s our job to know things about BYU, and that we do. But how much do you know? There’s no better place to start than with everyone’s favorite campus organization: BYUSA.   1. It’s There! A common BYUSA misconception is that it doesn’t exist. But after several years of thorough research and one fatal undercover operation, we’ve encountered proof to support the contrary. In fact, … Continue reading 5 Things to Know About BYUSA

Don Cheadle
Featured, News, Sports

Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

The Super Bowl presents a unique temptation to break the Sabbath. After years of watching faithful young adults wander down the path of destruction, Bishop Belnap of the Provo 675th ward knew that something had to be done.  “Clearly, the temptation of watching the Super Bowl on the Sabbath is just too much for them to handle,” Bishop Belnap says. “I felt inspired to simply … Continue reading Overzealous Bishop Slashes Power Lines on Super Bowl Sunday

Anya Forger
Campus, Life

LSB Chemical Spill Contaminates Duck Pond, Creates Teenage Mutant Ninja Mallards.

A new genre of semi-aquatic Provo residents just dropped! In a shocking turn of events, a freak accident in the LSB caused a cascade of toxic, possibly radioactive ooze down the slopes surrounding the building. These contaminants found their way towards the beloved south campus duck pond causing a complete (and totally rad!) metamorphosis among some of the local fauna.  When questioned about his involvement, … Continue reading LSB Chemical Spill Contaminates Duck Pond, Creates Teenage Mutant Ninja Mallards.

Paul Hollywood