Tag: Featured

Campus, Featured

BYU Police Partners With Missionary Department to Place Tiwi Systems on Campus Scooters

In BYU’s latest efforts to monitor on-campus travel, leaders have decided to combine forces with the Missionary Department to install Tiwi systems (A GPS-enabled device that will allow authorities to monitor students’ driving activity) on scooters found on campus.  Says campus representative Jessica Robb, “I think campus scooter riders deserve both the embarrassment and the missionary PTSD for zooming around the Wilk like they’re in … Continue reading BYU Police Partners With Missionary Department to Place Tiwi Systems on Campus Scooters

Marceline Abadeer
Campus, Featured, News

Sales Recruiter Trained by Bene Gesserit Has a Profitable Afternoon

It’s that time of year. Summer sales recruiters are descending on the Cougareat like a plague of charismatic locusts. One Vivint rep has been staggeringly successful. In a single day, Brosh Duncan managed to convince two thousand freshmen to spend their summers hawking solar panels. “There’s something really believable about Brosh,” says Tyler Bowman, a recent recruit. “He’s such a cool guy!” However, there’s more … Continue reading Sales Recruiter Trained by Bene Gesserit Has a Profitable Afternoon

Anya Forger
Campus, Featured

War!

Chaos! Mayhem! Utter pandemonium! What began as the most ambitious crossover event of all time has escalated into total war as Heritage and Helaman Halls march into battle over the forbidden romance of Lake Monson and Nova McCapuleight. Our journalists braved both sides of the battlefield to bring you the latest news regarding the disarray covering the northern portion of campus. “Mobilize Merrill and Stover … Continue reading War!

Don Cheadle
News

Real Reason Revealed for Acquiring Kirtland Temple

Earlier this week, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints acquired the Kirtland Temple from the Community of Christ. According to a report, the purchase was made for approximately $192 million. The reason for obtaining the building was explained by President Russell M. Nelson. “There’s always money in the Kirtland Temple” said Nelson with a wink. “We needed to reacquire it because there were … Continue reading Real Reason Revealed for Acquiring Kirtland Temple

Cameron Frye
Campus

“Knights of the Y” Conduct Successful Campus Takeover

The BYUSA Elections may have been last week, but now, there’s no doubt who’s in charge. The Knights of the Y, a campus organization known for its Tuesday night Live Action Roleplaying (or LARPing) began their takeover Monday evening after classes. According to eyewitnesses, the surprisingly large coalition of students, wielding foam swords, shields, and spears, marched from the Wilkinson Student Center towards the Abraham … Continue reading “Knights of the Y” Conduct Successful Campus Takeover

Dr. Doof1 Comment