Three Times the Scriptures Predicted BYU’s Sweet 16 Loss

BYU sadly fell to Alabama in the first round of the NCAA Tournament. However, this did not come as a surprise to biblical scholars. There are multiple instances where this was prophesied. Matthew 25:32-34 And before TNT shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his Tide from the Cougs. And he shall set the Tide … Continue reading Three Times the Scriptures Predicted BYU’s Sweet 16 Loss

Cameron FryeMarch 27, 2025March 27, 2025Leave a comment

Campus, Featured, News

Dead Body Mistaken as Sunbather Goes Unnoticed for Days

Here at BYU, students do more than just soak with each other. They also soak up the sun the moment it peeks out of the clouds of Fake Spring. However, the recent death of sophomore Bryce Garrison, 23, has cast a dismal shadow over campus. Garrison’s body was discovered on the lawn near the Joseph Knight Building on Friday by a groundskeeper who noticed he … Continue reading Dead Body Mistaken as Sunbather Goes Unnoticed for Days

Marceline AbadeerMarch 27, 2025Leave a comment

Campus, Featured, News

Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

The CougarEat was thrown into chaos last week when religious studies major Gordon Jacobsen unexpectedly began flipping tables and attempting to “cast out” the employees of Chick-Fil-A and other establishments. “To defile the Lord’s campus in such a way is nothing short of an affront to God,” said Jacobsen. “Jesus overthrew the seats of those who overcharge for doves in Matthew 21:12. Those who overcharge … Continue reading Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

Basil FawltyMarch 25, 2025March 26, 2025Leave a comment

Campus, Life

Helaman Halls Prank War Escalates, Hostages Taken

The tension started out small: a stolen couch here, a fire alarm pulled there. However, in recent days, open hostilities have broken out in Helaman Halls, resulting in multiple hostages taken from both buildings and metaphorical (and possibly literal) blood spilled. No peace agreement has, of yet, been brokered. “Those jerks in Merrill destroyed the pool table in the lobby!” Cole Lateral, high-ranking member of … Continue reading Helaman Halls Prank War Escalates, Hostages Taken