Tag: Campus

Campus, Featured, President Worthen, Sports

Russia Declines Trade for Brad Wilcox and a CougarTail for Brittney Griner

When news broke that WNBA Star Brittney Griner had been taken captivate in Russia, hearts across the nation went out to her. But no one has tried to do more than the President of God’s University. President Kevin J. Worthen is an avid lover of the basketball. But somewhat surprisingly, his true love is the WNBA. “I love watching the tall women. They are so … Continue reading Russia Declines Trade for Brad Wilcox and a CougarTail for Brittney Griner

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured

Student Fails All Class After No One Takes Her Surveys

Have you ever been directly responsible for the demise of another person? Most people would confidently think to themselves, “Of course not! I’m a good person”. But if you just thought this and you attend the prestigious Brigham Young University, you would be a big fat liar. And yes, I’m talking to you. Sigmunda Freud was a bright, young Psychology student with strong aspirations of … Continue reading Student Fails All Class After No One Takes Her Surveys

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured, News

Student Finally Finds Parking On Campus After a Grueling 8-Month Long Search

As all current and former BYU students know, parking spots on campus are as hard to come by as a non-thirsty returned missionary. Due to the limited parking spots on campus, some students complain how they have missed classes desperately looking for a place to park. But once you hear this story, you’ll never complain again… “My parents were kind enough to give me my … Continue reading Student Finally Finds Parking On Campus After a Grueling 8-Month Long Search

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus

Student finally realizes we live in a simulation after “sus” NPC activity on campus

Keanu Jermichaelson, a senior at BYU majoring in Ancient Scripture, finally came to terms with his futile existence. As we are all well aware, we live in a simulation created by our technological overlords Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos. But surprisingly, there are only a select few remaining who have not accepted this. Jermichaelson was one of them. “I just started to notice that things … Continue reading Student finally realizes we live in a simulation after “sus” NPC activity on campus

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured

BYU Gym Employee Fired After Playing Music With an Actual Beat

This past Tuesday, Billy Eilish started off his shift at his newly acquired gym job with a plan to change the world. “I had been working at the [BYU Gym] for about two weeks and the music was driving me insane,” Billy told the Alternate Universe. “After hearing exclusively Coldplay and Imagine Dragons for two straight weeks, I was ready to be swallowed in the … Continue reading BYU Gym Employee Fired After Playing Music With an Actual Beat

Bobby Zimmeruski