Tag: Campus

Featured

General Stabbed on the Ides of March as Helaman-Heritage War Drags On

As Heritage and Helaman Halls continue to take up arms against each other for some reason that nobody actually remembers, Army of Helaman General Audrey Thibaughlt has displayed extreme prowess as a strategist. But no hero is without flaw. Her ambition had become apparent to her officers, and they seized the opportunity to put an end to it. Thibaughlt was stabbed ten times–once for each … Continue reading General Stabbed on the Ides of March as Helaman-Heritage War Drags On

Don Cheadle
Campus, Featured

BYU Police Partners With Missionary Department to Place Tiwi Systems on Campus Scooters

In BYU’s latest efforts to monitor on-campus travel, leaders have decided to combine forces with the Missionary Department to install Tiwi systems (A GPS-enabled device that will allow authorities to monitor students’ driving activity) on scooters found on campus.  Says campus representative Jessica Robb, “I think campus scooter riders deserve both the embarrassment and the missionary PTSD for zooming around the Wilk like they’re in … Continue reading BYU Police Partners With Missionary Department to Place Tiwi Systems on Campus Scooters

Marceline Abadeer
Campus, Featured

War!

Chaos! Mayhem! Utter pandemonium! What began as the most ambitious crossover event of all time has escalated into total war as Heritage and Helaman Halls march into battle over the forbidden romance of Lake Monson and Nova McCapuleight. Our journalists braved both sides of the battlefield to bring you the latest news regarding the disarray covering the northern portion of campus. “Mobilize Merrill and Stover … Continue reading War!

Don Cheadle
Campus, Featured

Campus-Crossed Lovers: Helaman Resident Falls for Heritage Resident

Two halls, both alike in indignity, opposite in all aspects save each one’s distaste for the other–on the grounds of northern BYU campus we lay our scene: an unsuspecting freshman of Helaman Halls fallen hopelessly in love with a recent RM now living at Heritage Halls. The unlikely pair met at the recent Starry Night Soiree held at the Heritage Central Building. Helaman native Nova … Continue reading Campus-Crossed Lovers: Helaman Resident Falls for Heritage Resident

Don Cheadle
Campus, Featured, Provo

Mortifying: Computer Science Student Clearly Showered This Morning

Everyone can remember a time they were truly embarrassed. Maybe you’ve tripped on a flat surface, botched a performance, or been seen at the campus gym. But at least you’ve never been the only person in the room who remembers the last time they showered. Nosewitnesses reported that Lehi Gene, a computer science major in his freshman year, very obviously took a shower before attending … Continue reading Mortifying: Computer Science Student Clearly Showered This Morning

Don Cheadle