Search Results for: worthen

Campus

President Worthen spotted at Heart & Seoul, Crushes “Africa” by Toto.

Early Thursday morning around 1:30 AM BYU President Kevin J Worthen was seen in the nearly empty karaoke club, Heart & Seoul on Center Street. According to witnesses, President Worthen entered the establishment at approximately 10:00 PM on Wednesday night and stayed until the club closed at 2:00 AM. While there President Worthen reportedly sang “Wanted Dead or Alive” by Bon Jovi followed by “Girls … Continue reading President Worthen spotted at Heart & Seoul, Crushes “Africa” by Toto.

Donald Cherry
News

BREAKING: President Worthen Raids Daily Universe Offices

In a stunning development in the scandal some are calling “at least fifty times more important than Watergate”, BYU President Kevin Worthen raided offices used by The Daily Universe early Wednesday morning. At around 3:15 AM, President Worthen conducted the first of what promises to be many raids seeking evidence to corroborate reports of exploitation of unpaid student labor.  According to eyewitnesses, he was accompanied … Continue reading BREAKING: President Worthen Raids Daily Universe Offices

Donald Cherry
News

President Worthen Accidentally Qualifies for Second Round of Presidential Debates, Begins Attacking Joe Biden Immediately

President Worthen, who’s administration recently passed key changes to the Honor Code and created new economic opportunities through a Cougareat Wendy’s, received a surprise call from the DNC this afternoon. Having accidentally met the required polling threshold to qualify for the second round of democratic primary debates, BYU’s President is expected to join the other candidates on-stage tomorrow night. Worthen immediately began lashing out at … Continue reading President Worthen Accidentally Qualifies for Second Round of Presidential Debates, Begins Attacking Joe Biden Immediately

Warren Dusenberry
Campus, Life

President Worthen Realizes He Made Too Much Guac for Spring Term Kickoff Party

Upon arriving at the annual campus-wide Spring term kickoff party on Friday, university president Kevin J. Worthen quickly realized that he had brought way too much of his signature homemade guacamole. “I always forget to adjust my recipe from when I make a batch at the start of Fall.” Worthen chuckled to himself while handing out gallon jugs of guac to the 11 students attending, … Continue reading President Worthen Realizes He Made Too Much Guac for Spring Term Kickoff Party

Warren Dusenberry