Search Results for: worthen

Campus, Featured

Poor, Poor Kevin: No One Looked for President Worthen’s Easter Eggs

It has been four days since Easter Sunday and President Kevin J. Worthen has reported, with sadness, that the Easter eggs he hid have still not been found. “I understand it’s a stressful time being the end of the semester and all, but I expected at least a few students to participate in the festivities,” commented the disappointed President Worthen. Worthen reportedly filled a “solid … Continue reading Poor, Poor Kevin: No One Looked for President Worthen’s Easter Eggs

Carmen Sandeigo
Featured, Uncategorized

Worthen tells all: ’80s Boy Band “Kevin-ondi-Ahman” Photos LEAKED

In just a matter of hours, the internet may have been changed forever. Early Thursday morning, an anonymous Reddit user leaked a series of photos from the ’80s depicting a group of young unidentified musicians. After a thorough investigation, one of the young men in these photos has been confirmed to be Brigham Young University’s own Kevin J. Worthen. Rumors about the origins of these … Continue reading Worthen tells all: ’80s Boy Band “Kevin-ondi-Ahman” Photos LEAKED

Lisa Simpson
Life

Kevin J. Worthen to be added in the ‘National Garden of American Heroes’, David Archeluta and ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ narrowly missing the cut

The final days of President Trump’s tenure as leader of our country were not spared from controversy. In one of his final executive orders, Trump commissioned the construction of  the ‘National Garden of American Heroes’ to honor those that were most influential in shaping our nation.    This vast outdoor park will be in memoriam of the people who were integral to the success of … Continue reading Kevin J. Worthen to be added in the ‘National Garden of American Heroes’, David Archeluta and ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ narrowly missing the cut

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus

President Worthen Celebrates End of Semester with Hunt of the Prized Duck-Pond Mallard

As students rushed to submit their final exams and projects by midnight last night, President Kevin J. Worthen saddled up for his bi-annual hunt of the duck pond’s prized mallard. Sources close to BYU’s 13th president confirm that this tradition has helped Kevin unwind from the pressures of work for many years. “During finals week, Dad’s eyes start to glaze over a bit.” explains his … Continue reading President Worthen Celebrates End of Semester with Hunt of the Prized Duck-Pond Mallard

Warren Dusenberry
News

Checking in With Kevin: President Worthen Still Not Hospitalized With COVID-19, “Doing Pretty Well”

Following the news that President Donald Trump was hospitalized with COVID-19 last week, national media attention quickly fell upon BYU President Kevin J. Worthen. According to our most recent reports, President Worthen has not been hospitalized with COVID-19 and is doing “pretty well all things considered”. Speculation has arisen that Worthen has taken social distancing and mask wearing seriously, leading to a continued lack of COVID-19 … Continue reading Checking in With Kevin: President Worthen Still Not Hospitalized With COVID-19, “Doing Pretty Well”

Donald Cherry