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Elder Eyring Gets Emotional Eating Spicy Wings on Hot Ones

Hot Ones is the show with hot questions and hotter wings. Henry B. Eyring, the featured guest on this week’s episode, hardly made it to two thousand Scoville units before his voice started quivering. “I couldn’t tell if he was crying from the heat or just from answering my interview questions,” remarked Sean Evans, the show’s creator and host. “I’m surprised he made it as … Continue reading Elder Eyring Gets Emotional Eating Spicy Wings on Hot Ones

Lisa Simpson
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Dumbledore Joins BYU as Adjunct Professor

The Magic of the Y just became a little more real. President C. Shane Reese announced yesterday that the famous Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, previously thought dead, has accepted a position as Adjunct Professor at Brigham Young University. Citing “the growing darkness in the world” as his motive, Dumbledore will began his teaching today instead of waiting for the Winter 2024 semester. He will … Continue reading Dumbledore Joins BYU as Adjunct Professor

Dr. Doof
Featured, Uncategorized

Provo Woman Finally Accepts She Isn’t Going to Have a Boyfriend for Couple’s Costume This Year

October is one of the most exciting times of year for Utah residents. Pumpkin patches, haunted houses, and house parties alike create many opportunities for socialization and romance. While many in Provo are flourishing amidst these festivities, others are floundering. Taycie Hunter had been collecting couple’s costume ideas in a saved Instagram folder all year. Now, Halloween is a day away and she is only … Continue reading Provo Woman Finally Accepts She Isn’t Going to Have a Boyfriend for Couple’s Costume This Year

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Uncategorized

‘Five Nights At Cosmo’s’ Sells Out Opening Night

It’s been a while since we’ve seen Josh Hutcherson on the big screen. Though it’s too early to say, his role as McKay Smith in this weekend’s box office winner Five Nights at Cosmo’s could be his most lucrative move since Bridge to Terabithia. The film has already accrued over triple its budget of 25 million Cougar Cash in just one night. In the soon-to-be horror … Continue reading ‘Five Nights At Cosmo’s’ Sells Out Opening Night

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Uncategorized

Dallin H. Oaks Morphs Into Bald Eagle In Honor of Constitution Month

In a stunning display of religious patriotism, President Dallin H. Oaks of the First Presidency has publicly transformed himself into a bald eagle. The transformation occurred at the peak of the newly-christened “Constitution month,” an attempt by the Utah government to stave off growing “anti-American sentiments” among the young people. “I don’t even know how it happened,” observer Stevia Taylor commented. “Out of nowhere, I … Continue reading Dallin H. Oaks Morphs Into Bald Eagle In Honor of Constitution Month

Dr. Doof