Category: Uncategorized

Campus, Featured, News, Uncategorized

‘Tall Club’ President Revealed to be 3 Freshmen In Trench Coat

BYU’s newest extracurricular organization ‘Tall Club’ is currently experiencing a power vacuum after the exposure of the club’s president as only 3 freshman in a trench coat. The main eyewitness was taking a bathroom break during a meeting when he got a surprise he wasn’t prepared for. “The top one was trying to use the urinal and basically the whole disguise fell apart,” reported 6’4″ … Continue reading ‘Tall Club’ President Revealed to be 3 Freshmen In Trench Coat

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Uncategorized

50 Ways to Smite the World This Christmas Season

50 WAYS TO SHUT OUT LIGHT Move someone’s bookmark to a different page. Burn down your local food bank. Scowl at someone. Leave a passive aggressive note for your mail carrier. Laugh at a friend. Leave a bad review for a local business. Abuse someone’s generosity. Scam an old person. Ask a woman if she’s pregnant. Tell a loved one their vibes are off. Sleep … Continue reading 50 Ways to Smite the World This Christmas Season

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured, Life, News, Uncategorized

Survey: 72% of Business Students Already Failed No NCMO November

Brad Wilcox, BYU religion professor and General Officer of the Church, announced an extra credit opportunity. If, for the remainder of the month of November, a student was able to refrain from a non-committal make out (NCMO), they would receive twenty five extra credit points. Wilcox, in making the announcement, said “Not one of you is free from sin, but this would do a whole … Continue reading Survey: 72% of Business Students Already Failed No NCMO November

Paul Atreides
Uncategorized

Elder Eyring Gets Emotional Eating Spicy Wings on Hot Ones

Hot Ones is the show with hot questions and hotter wings. Henry B. Eyring, the featured guest on this week’s episode, hardly made it to two thousand Scoville units before his voice started quivering. “I couldn’t tell if he was crying from the heat or just from answering my interview questions,” remarked Sean Evans, the show’s creator and host. “I’m surprised he made it as … Continue reading Elder Eyring Gets Emotional Eating Spicy Wings on Hot Ones

Lisa Simpson
Uncategorized

Dumbledore Joins BYU as Adjunct Professor

The Magic of the Y just became a little more real. President C. Shane Reese announced yesterday that the famous Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, previously thought dead, has accepted a position as Adjunct Professor at Brigham Young University. Citing “the growing darkness in the world” as his motive, Dumbledore will began his teaching today instead of waiting for the Winter 2024 semester. He will … Continue reading Dumbledore Joins BYU as Adjunct Professor

Dr. Doof