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Featured, Uncategorized

Exposed: Barefoot Cosmo’s OnlyFans income has been subsidizing your tuition for years

A new ethical debate is sweeping across campus this week after leaked financial documents confirm that the Barefoot Cosmo statue in the Wilkinson Center has been subsidizing BYU students’ tuition via online sex work. According to the documents, the statue brings in over $85,000 a month through an OnlyFans account set up in its name. The account features mainly photos of the statue’s human feet, … Continue reading Exposed: Barefoot Cosmo’s OnlyFans income has been subsidizing your tuition for years

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured, News, Uncategorized

‘Tall Club’ President Revealed to be 3 Freshmen In Trench Coat

BYU’s newest extracurricular organization ‘Tall Club’ is currently experiencing a power vacuum after the exposure of the club’s president as only 3 freshman in a trench coat. The main eyewitness was taking a bathroom break during a meeting when he got a surprise he wasn’t prepared for. “The top one was trying to use the urinal and basically the whole disguise fell apart,” reported 6’4″ … Continue reading ‘Tall Club’ President Revealed to be 3 Freshmen In Trench Coat

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Uncategorized

50 Ways to Smite the World This Christmas Season

50 WAYS TO SHUT OUT LIGHT Move someone’s bookmark to a different page. Burn down your local food bank. Scowl at someone. Leave a passive aggressive note for your mail carrier. Laugh at a friend. Leave a bad review for a local business. Abuse someone’s generosity. Scam an old person. Ask a woman if she’s pregnant. Tell a loved one their vibes are off. Sleep … Continue reading 50 Ways to Smite the World This Christmas Season

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured, Life, News, Uncategorized

Survey: 72% of Business Students Already Failed No NCMO November

Brad Wilcox, BYU religion professor and General Officer of the Church, announced an extra credit opportunity. If, for the remainder of the month of November, a student was able to refrain from a non-committal make out (NCMO), they would receive twenty five extra credit points. Wilcox, in making the announcement, said “Not one of you is free from sin, but this would do a whole … Continue reading Survey: 72% of Business Students Already Failed No NCMO November

Paul Atreides
Uncategorized

Elder Eyring Gets Emotional Eating Spicy Wings on Hot Ones

Hot Ones is the show with hot questions and hotter wings. Henry B. Eyring, the featured guest on this week’s episode, hardly made it to two thousand Scoville units before his voice started quivering. “I couldn’t tell if he was crying from the heat or just from answering my interview questions,” remarked Sean Evans, the show’s creator and host. “I’m surprised he made it as … Continue reading Elder Eyring Gets Emotional Eating Spicy Wings on Hot Ones

Lisa Simpson