Church Announces New Temples at General Conference

At the conclusion of the October 2024 General Conference, President Russell M. Nelson took to the pulpit and announced eight new temples to be built in coming years. He was met with cheers, hollers, and chants of “NEL-SON, NEL-SON, NEL-SON” from the Conference Center audience. These houses of worship will bring blessings to members all over the world—and multiverse. See the list below.   Continue reading Church Announces New Temples at General Conference

Student Blinded By Brigham Square Repents, Changes Name

The installation of a new bright-white concrete surface in the quad area between the ASB, Library, and JKB has been met with hands over foreheads and squinted eyes. With very few trees or tall buildings to provide shade, Brigham Square is dangerously, even blindingly bright. So bright, in fact, that it recently converted a man to Christ. On the road from the HBLL to the … Continue reading Student Blinded By Brigham Square Repents, Changes Name

REPORT: BYU Students More Opinionated About French Fries Than Politics

After the debate between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump last week, our team sent out a group of reporters to gather on-the-ground information about the political scene at Brigham Young University. The data gleaned from these reports illuminates the tension between two factions on campus. “They’re just too salty,” says sophomore Emma McConkson, in response to a question about immigration. “I love the Biggie Bag, … Continue reading REPORT: BYU Students More Opinionated About French Fries Than Politics

Y Mountain Comes Out During Pride Month

Y Mountain’s sexuality has been a topic of speculation for quite some time. While some Provo residents assumed its 118-year stint of singledom was due only to the lack of the right partner, others had their suspicions. Today, rumors were laid to rest as Y Mountain announced it is in fact a homosexual rock formation. Provo residents from all over the political spectrum are weighing … Continue reading Y Mountain Comes Out During Pride Month

Galentine’s Party Lasts Whole 20 Minutes Before It’s Just Women Spiraling About Singledom

Provo resident Taysom Stanton’s Galentine’s Party started at 7pm and ended at 7:20pm. Setting a new record, her party lasted a full 20 minutes before devolving into nothing more than women commiserating about singledom. The short-lived cheer proved that $100 worth of pink decor is no match for a room full of 20 women who can’t remember the last time they’ve been held. “No amount … Continue reading Galentine’s Party Lasts Whole 20 Minutes Before It’s Just Women Spiraling About Singledom