Breaking: Least Charismatic Person in Your Ward Called as Sunday School Teacher

Provo residents report an increasing struggle to stay for the 2nd hour block of church. In light of this decreasing attendance, Provo 2846th ward knew they had to step up and make a change. That’s why they called Derrick, the least charismatic person within ward boundaries, as sole Sunday school teacher. “He was the perfect fit. His voice drones on like a dying air conditioning … Continue reading Breaking: Least Charismatic Person in Your Ward Called as Sunday School Teacher

BYU Student Solves Racism With Simple Equation

Well folks, the wait is finally over! Give your friend of color a high-five and maybe a kiss on the mouth because racism is officially done for. For years, expert sociologists have been trying to find a solution to discrimination, but some white boy just figured it out for a bit of Monday afternoon fun! The moment math and ethics prodigy Paxton Bright found the … Continue reading BYU Student Solves Racism With Simple Equation

Mortifying: Computer Science Student Clearly Showered This Morning

Everyone can remember a time they were truly embarrassed. Maybe you’ve tripped on a flat surface, botched a performance, or been seen at the campus gym. But at least you’ve never been the only person in the room who remembers the last time they showered. Nosewitnesses reported that Lehi Gene, a computer science major in his freshman year, very obviously took a shower before attending … Continue reading Mortifying: Computer Science Student Clearly Showered This Morning

Heartbreaking: Student Left Crestfallen After Being Ghosted on Canvas Discussion Board

Under normal circumstances, Valentine’s Day is an occasion to celebrate the beauty of romance in all its forms. But after a recent and devastating development, normal circumstances are in short supply. It appears that hopeless romantic Bryson Dyson will once again be spending Valentine’s Day alone after being ghosted by the woman of his dreams on a discussion board for their online freshman writing class. … Continue reading Heartbreaking: Student Left Crestfallen After Being Ghosted on Canvas Discussion Board

Deseret Book Announces Lonely Ghost Collaboration

Deseret Book has officially announced the release of a spiritually centered Lonely Ghost spring collection. Holy Hipsters everywhere are practically foaming at the mouth. All is lonely in Zion! The Christian indie folk of Provo are absolutely thrilled for the Seagull Book x Lonely Gost spring collection.  “This launch is really going to be great for Love, Share, Invite,” says brand representative and ward mission … Continue reading Deseret Book Announces Lonely Ghost Collaboration