Category: News

Featured, Life, News, Provo

Sell Outs? Church Sells Provo Temple Land to Developers—Cool Sculpting Clinic Coming 2025

Perhaps even the blessings of the temple can be bought out.  Earlier this month, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints finalized the sale of land that was formerly home to the historic Provo Temple. The buyers belong to a cool sculpting franchise by the name of UglyFattyBodyByeBye Inc., who paid over $300 million for the land. “We just really love the location. The … Continue reading Sell Outs? Church Sells Provo Temple Land to Developers—Cool Sculpting Clinic Coming 2025

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Life, News, Provo

BYU Student Solves Racism With Simple Equation

Well folks, the wait is finally over! Give your friend of color a high-five and maybe a kiss on the mouth because racism is officially done for. For years, expert sociologists have been trying to find a solution to discrimination, but some white boy just figured it out for a bit of Monday afternoon fun! The moment math and ethics prodigy Paxton Bright found the … Continue reading BYU Student Solves Racism With Simple Equation

Don Cheadle
BYU Voices, Campus, News

Graduating Seniors Advised to Cut Down On Family Members

This year’s Commencement Ceremony allows those graduating to bring only three guests. Because no seniors belong to family units that minuscule, the university has advised severing relationships before graduation day arrives. For a church culturally known for encouraging large families, this regulation has struck many as contradictory. This advice has led many graduating seniors to great distress. Many were viewed staring at photos of their … Continue reading Graduating Seniors Advised to Cut Down On Family Members

George Beard
Featured, General Conference, News

Secret to Eternal Life Stated Clearly in Church Audit Report You Ignored

On the morning of April 6, 2024, at precisely 10:31 AM, brother Jared B. Larsen gave the audit report at the Saturday morning session of General Conference. Unbeknownst to  higher-ups, however, his report contained the secret to eternal life, coded in the language of boring financial jargon. “I couldn’t believe what I was hearing,” Russell M. Nelson, watching from home, said. “It’s lowkey clutch I … Continue reading Secret to Eternal Life Stated Clearly in Church Audit Report You Ignored

Kit Kittredge
Life, News

Yum! Sodalicious Releases Eight Exciting New Drinks

You’ve heard of the NCMO, the 2nd Wife, and the Civil Marriage. Get ready for the eight latest beverage concoctions from everyone’s favorite soda chain! COCONUT CONCUBINE: Water from King Henry’s hot tub with raspberry and coconut cream. THE SWEATY VELOUR: White Monster infused with Blink-182 covers and a mentally ill bass player. DISFELLOWSHIPPED: 7-Up with strawberry and a disciplinary vibe check. TUNNEL SINGING GROPE: … Continue reading Yum! Sodalicious Releases Eight Exciting New Drinks

Anya Forger