RLDS Church Announces First Season of “Taking Machines”

As the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints once again unfurls their Christmas campaign to “Light the World”, many holiday lovers are expected to flock to Temple Square for the opportunity to donate charitably through ingeniously designed crimson Giving Machines. This year, however, they won’t be the only vending machine spin-offs on the block.  The Community of Christ (formally known as the Reformed Church … Continue reading RLDS Church Announces First Season of “Taking Machines”

Quorum of the Twelve and First Presidency Compete in a Turkey Bowl

Gratitude, spending time with family, and eating an obscene amount of food are all irreplaceable Thanksgiving traditions. This year, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and the First Presidency decided to add to this list of traditions with the All-American tradition of the turkey bowl. President Russell M. Nelson served as the referee for this exciting event.  The first team, “Homies in Christ”—made up of … Continue reading Quorum of the Twelve and First Presidency Compete in a Turkey Bowl

Biting “Zombie” in Clyde Building Actually Just Horny Student

You may have heard screams coming from the southeast corner of campus. In the Clyde Building, McFury Tryxton Johansen enjoyed his afternoon snack. One may assume that calling for daddy is a cry for help, so an eighty-five-year-old professor clonked McFury over the head with a chair. Days later, when McFury finally woke up, Dr. Griswold discovered the frightening truth – McFury was making out. … Continue reading Biting “Zombie” in Clyde Building Actually Just Horny Student

New Study Links Creamery Products to Male Pattern Baldness

The epidemic of male pattern baldness at Brigham Young University is truly frightening. Every two minutes, a balding returned missionary asks out an unsuspecting freshman girl. Now, groundbreaking research from the Developmental Biology Department of Research at the University of Utah has discovered a connection between the onset of male pattern baldness and the amount of BYU Creamery products consumed, offering new information about the … Continue reading New Study Links Creamery Products to Male Pattern Baldness

LDS Tools Reveals New $8 Verification Subscription Service

Following in fellow billionaire Elon Musk’s footsteps, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints decided to implement their own spin on Twitter’s new verification service: subscription-based verification on the popular app, LDS Tools. $8/month provides members with services such as filters and airbrushing options on their photos, date discounts every time a number is copied and texted from the app, and of course a … Continue reading LDS Tools Reveals New $8 Verification Subscription Service