Category: News

Life, News

Angel Moroni Shot Down After Being Mistaken for Spy Balloon

“And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.” When Apostle Matthew wrote these words, did he consider the military ramifications this great reckoning would bring? Unlikely, yet here we are. Two days ago, General Dusty Kilgore of the United States Air … Continue reading Angel Moroni Shot Down After Being Mistaken for Spy Balloon

Macho Man Randy Savage
Featured, Life, News

Amidst Inflation Crisis, Finger of the Lord Turns Stones to Eggs

It’s no secret that America is facing a heartbreaking egg shortage right now. Stores are buckling under the pressure of trying to sell eggs they don’t have. Roommates grapple with contention as eggs are stolen from their prized cartons. Vegetarians waste away, unable to consume their singular source of protein. Anguished by these events, a faithful son of God by the name of The Brother … Continue reading Amidst Inflation Crisis, Finger of the Lord Turns Stones to Eggs

Kayteigh Leigh
Campus, News

After Days Adrift Over Helaman Halls, Honor Code Office Spy Balloon Has Been Deflated

President Kevin Worthen was briefed on the balloon on Monday morning. He was leaning toward taking down the balloon, the Daily Universe reported, but according to U.S. Pentagon officials, the risk to civilians on the Helaman Halls grounds was too high. President Worthen was cautioned against the move to shoot the balloon and instead was advised to continue to monitor the situation. “Just a training … Continue reading After Days Adrift Over Helaman Halls, Honor Code Office Spy Balloon Has Been Deflated

Sue Sylvester
Featured, News, Provo, Uncategorized

Single FHE Mom Wins Heated Custody Battle

After two whole semesters of no child support from their deadbeat dad, single FHE mom Tiffaneigh Leigh of Provo YSA 12345th ward took legal action and was granted full custody of her 15 adult children. While Tiffaneigh herself would report that the court ruling was sweet, anyone who was involved in this case can attest that the litigation was sour. “Having to get up on … Continue reading Single FHE Mom Wins Heated Custody Battle

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured, Life, News, Provo

BYU Honors Black History Month By Giving Black Students Their Very Own Luxury Bathroom In the MARB Basement

Across the nation, the public school system and universities have been honoring Black History Month this February in varying ways. Some schools choose to honor African-American icons from history, some schools spend the month highlighting Black history, and some schools construct a separate bathroom for their Black students. That is, one school constructed a separate bathroom for their Black students. This February, Brigham Young University … Continue reading BYU Honors Black History Month By Giving Black Students Their Very Own Luxury Bathroom In the MARB Basement

Kayteigh Leigh