Category: News

Featured, News

BYU Film Announces David O. McKay Monkey Biopic

December of last year saw the release of of Better Man, a biopic of English singer-songwriter Robbie Williams in which he is portrayed as a computer-generated chimpanzee. Spurred on by the critical success of that film, BYU’s film department has announced its intentions to give the same treatment to the Church’s ninth prophet. Holy Man: The David O. MonKay Story, due for release this September, … Continue reading BYU Film Announces David O. McKay Monkey Biopic

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Campus, Featured, News

BYU Implements New ‘COUG’ Agency to Reduce Spending

BYU’s new COUG Agency (also known as the ‘Cutting Out Useless Garbage’ Agency) has an initiative aimed at reducing the completely unnecessary and stupid things wasting BYU’s budget. Here are the top 4 cuts that you need to know about. Defunding the BYU Department of Education BYU will be cutting funding to their entire Department of Education, as professors may be more motivated to teach … Continue reading BYU Implements New ‘COUG’ Agency to Reduce Spending

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Campus, Featured, News

Student Filibusters Class with Record-Breaking 50-minute Opening Prayer

Filled with righteous indignation and overcome by the spirit of the Lord, Carrie Brooker said the longest opening prayer ever recorded on BYU campus, leaving no time for class. “If Cory Booker can do it for 25 hours, surely I can make a stand for my fellow students,” Brooker stated. The astounding 50-minute prayer included the phrase “we’re thankful for this day” at least ten … Continue reading Student Filibusters Class with Record-Breaking 50-minute Opening Prayer

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Campus, Featured, News

​​Dead Body Mistaken as Sunbather Goes Unnoticed for Days

 Here at BYU, students do more than just soak with each other. They also soak up the sun the moment it peeks out of the clouds of Fake Spring. However, the recent death of sophomore Bryce Garrison, 23, has cast a dismal shadow over campus. Garrison’s body was discovered on the lawn near the Joseph Knight Building on Friday by a groundskeeper who noticed he … Continue reading ​​Dead Body Mistaken as Sunbather Goes Unnoticed for Days

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Campus, Featured, News

Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

The CougarEat was thrown into chaos last week when religious studies major Gordon Jacobsen unexpectedly began flipping tables and attempting to “cast out” the employees of Chick-Fil-A and other establishments. “To defile the Lord’s campus in such a way is nothing short of an affront to God,” said Jacobsen. “Jesus overthrew the seats of those who overcharge for doves in Matthew 21:12. Those who overcharge … Continue reading Misguided Religious Studies Major Flips Tables at the Cougareat

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