Bored of the monotonous Utah accent? Now’s your chance to get a fun, fresh experience while listening to the scriptures. This initiative was started to “persuade youth to pay more attention to the scriptures.” Here are the new voices: Batman a sexy voice that will make you more into scripture study ASMR perfect for falling asleep to Batman attempting ASMR even better for falling asleep … Continue reading Gospel Library Adds New Narration Voices
In the For Strength of Youth pamphlet, the church directs: “before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing”. For years, this counsel has left righteous Latter-Day Saint youths and young adults scratching their heads- what qualifies as “passionate kissing”? This morning, the First Presidency released a statement clarifying the Lord’s stance on kissing before marriage. It marked the first official instruction regarding chastity within the … Continue reading Church Leaders Finally Define “Passionate Kissing”
The Alternate Universe uncovered a shocking secret this morning through their very serious journalism efforts. The real force behind the movement “Don’t Pave Utah Lake” is actually the notorious Utah Lake Monster. The Utah Lake Monster, otherwise known as Greggg, was spotted this morning leaving the lake to go to a Conserve Utah Valley meeting. The runner who spotted Greggg this morning, Jeff Smith, agreed … Continue reading Utah Lake Monster Behind “Don’t Pave Utah Lake”
Everyone’s favorite goofball from The District series, Elder Murray, finally had his lifelong dream come true. “I know I received this blessing in my life because I have been a righteous servant of the Lord,” Elder Murray said. “I can’t think a greater eternal blessing than becoming a blue chair…wait.” As all cultural missionaries know, The District is a series shown to all greenies in training … Continue reading Elder Murray from ‘The District’ Finally Becomes a Blue Chair
“It is easily the best day of my life,” says Jon Heder, who has four children and a wife. When asked about his character, Batpoleon Manamite, he responded, “He’s got bowhunting skills, nunchuck skills, and computer hacking skills. Gotham City wants a guy with skills,” directly quoting a line from the movie. We asked Deb what her favorite line was. “I don’t know, but I … Continue reading Batpoleon Manamite Wins Oscar for Best Picture
