Florida native Dilbert Painter dropped out of his beginning weightlifting class this week. When asked why, he burst into tears. “Why are we singing hymns in the weight room before class?” Painter, a freshman, lamented. “I thought it was a joke in the syllabus, but we didn’t even have time to warm up after we finished all five verses of ‘If You Could Hie to … Continue reading Student Drops Class Because of Opening Hymn
There’s no getting out of it. You watched Saltburn. What now? You have a few options. The first option is to keep quiet until you die. That’s the plan of junior, Jeyson Maeser. “I’ll deal with it when I’m lying on my grave, er, in my grave.” Your next option comes from senior Mack Lowe: “I didn’t see the whole thing, you know? Just part of … Continue reading How to Tell Your Bishop You Watched Saltburn
Attention, freshmen! As finals week approaches, you may find yourself regretting your choice of educational institution. At this point in the semester, 89% of first year students say they want to transfer to UVU. The remaining 11% say they would like to leave civilization and start a homestead. But don’t despair, this article contains a foolproof methodology that will ensure your finals go smoothly and … Continue reading Top Finals Week Tips for Freshmen
With their rippling pecs and flattering words, Book of Mormon villains are some of the hottest around. But which one takes the prize for The Zaddy of Zarahemla? Read on to find out! 5. King Noah Who doesn’t love a hard partying player with a bad-boy vibe? His deep pockets and glamorous friends don’t hurt, either. King Noah now does summer sales to maintain his … Continue reading Top 5 Hottest Book of Mormon Villains
2023 marks the first year of the BYU Store’s “White Friday Sale”. While the sale had little promotional advertising, word-of-mouth alone generated a crowd of white Provo residents nothing short of massive. 50% off items such as chocolate-covered cinnamon bears and Mikarose dresses had Provo residents lining up as early as 4 a.m. As soon as they opened the doors, bystanders say they can only … Continue reading White Friday Sale at BYU Dubbed a ‘Bloodbath’
