Category: Featured

Featured, Life, News, Provo

Sell Outs? Church Sells Provo Temple Land to Developers—Cool Sculpting Clinic Coming 2025

Perhaps even the blessings of the temple can be bought out.  Earlier this month, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints finalized the sale of land that was formerly home to the historic Provo Temple. The buyers belong to a cool sculpting franchise by the name of UglyFattyBodyByeBye Inc., who paid over $300 million for the land. “We just really love the location. The … Continue reading Sell Outs? Church Sells Provo Temple Land to Developers—Cool Sculpting Clinic Coming 2025

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured, Life, Provo

Breaking: Least Charismatic Person in Your Ward Called as Sunday School Teacher

Provo residents report an increasing struggle to stay for the 2nd hour block of church. In light of this decreasing attendance, Provo 2846th ward knew they had to step up and make a change. That’s why they called Derrick, the least charismatic person within ward boundaries, as sole Sunday school teacher. “He was the perfect fit. His voice drones on like a dying air conditioning … Continue reading Breaking: Least Charismatic Person in Your Ward Called as Sunday School Teacher

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Life, News, Provo

BYU Student Solves Racism With Simple Equation

Well folks, the wait is finally over! Give your friend of color a high-five and maybe a kiss on the mouth because racism is officially done for. For years, expert sociologists have been trying to find a solution to discrimination, but some white boy just figured it out for a bit of Monday afternoon fun! The moment math and ethics prodigy Paxton Bright found the … Continue reading BYU Student Solves Racism With Simple Equation

Don Cheadle
Featured, General Conference, News

Secret to Eternal Life Stated Clearly in Church Audit Report You Ignored

On the morning of April 6, 2024, at precisely 10:31 AM, brother Jared B. Larsen gave the audit report at the Saturday morning session of General Conference. Unbeknownst to  higher-ups, however, his report contained the secret to eternal life, coded in the language of boring financial jargon. “I couldn’t believe what I was hearing,” Russell M. Nelson, watching from home, said. “It’s lowkey clutch I … Continue reading Secret to Eternal Life Stated Clearly in Church Audit Report You Ignored

Kit Kittredge