Category: Featured

Featured, General Conference, Life

‘Dress to Impress’ Features First Ever General Conference Theme

The popular Roblox game announced the new theme during the latter portion of Sunday morning session. Outfits ranged from Sunday best to Sunday rest, including formal attire and loungewear alike. While there were many impressive outfits that contended for the podium, only three were voted into victory. The winner’s circle collectively resembled the current Relief Society Presidency, which many are finding a humorous coincidence. Professional … Continue reading ‘Dress to Impress’ Features First Ever General Conference Theme

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured

Miracle! Cartographers Produce First Known Map of JKB

For decades, it was assumed that no map could be produced of the Jesse Knight Building, but an elite team of local cartographers has just proven otherwise. After spending 13 years within the building’s walls, their work is finally complete. “The biggest discovery is definitely that of the recursive JKB on the third floor,” said team lead Carter Griffin. “It’s a second, identical JKB contained … Continue reading Miracle! Cartographers Produce First Known Map of JKB

Don Cheadle
Featured, Uncategorized

Student Blinded By Brigham Square Repents, Changes Name

The installation of a new bright-white concrete surface in the quad area between the ASB, Library, and JKB has been met with hands over foreheads and squinted eyes. With very few trees or tall buildings to provide shade, Brigham Square is dangerously, even blindingly bright. So bright, in fact, that it recently converted a man to Christ. On the road from the HBLL to the … Continue reading Student Blinded By Brigham Square Repents, Changes Name

Paul Hollywood
Featured

Local Woman ‘Sick of Provo’—Makes Big Move to Vineyard

The Provo bubble is about to burst. McTayomsleigh Williamson, a 24-year old UVU graduate, has been living in Provo for the past 6 years. And while she’s made great friends and memories in this place, she is starting to feel that she is outgrowing it. “I’m so sick of the Provo bubble. Everyone looks the same. Sounds the same. Does the same things. Believes the … Continue reading Local Woman ‘Sick of Provo’—Makes Big Move to Vineyard

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured

Blatant Honor Code Violations on Campus

Let’s face it—we’ve all been reported to the Honor Code office for shouting obscenities at the ducks in the pond. But what about all the violations that have somehow slipped right past their radar? Karl G. Maeser Everyone’s seen his beautiful bronze beard, but has anyone seen a beautiful bronze beard card to match it? We asked him to show it multiple times and he … Continue reading Blatant Honor Code Violations on Campus

Don Cheadle