Category: Featured

conference, Featured, General Conference

Heinous Criminal Redistributes Conference Broadcast, Struck Down

Local man Jordan P. Jensen is in critical condition after redistributing segments of this weekend’s LDS General Conference broadcast without written consent — an act which, according to ancient legal scrolls, shattered a sacred copyright seal and summoned the long dormant fury of Bonneville Distribution. The broadcast, which begins with the famous warning, “This broadcast is furnished as a public service by Bonneville Distribution. Any … Continue reading Heinous Criminal Redistributes Conference Broadcast, Struck Down

Marceline Abadeer1 Comment
Featured, General Conference

A Silent Exchange Between the General Conference Organists

It was but a touch. A brush, really. And yet, it was everything. As the organ duo performed at a session of General Conference earlier today, they suddenly found themselves in unfamiliar territory. Until that fateful moment, their job had been simple: play the organ. Caress that console and create the sweet melodies that would be heard by millions around the world. They were good … Continue reading A Silent Exchange Between the General Conference Organists

Don CheadleLeave a comment
Featured

5 LDS References You Might Have Missed in “A Minecraft Movie”

A Minecraft Movie, in theaters today, continues the distinct cinematic stylings of filmmaker and BYU graduate Jared Hess in multiple ways, including the use of references to his Latter-Day Saint faith. While the video game-based blockbuster may not be as thoroughly influenced by LDS culture as Hess’s magnum opus Napoleon Dynamite, it still manages to pack in some impressive nods to the Lord’s Church. Without … Continue reading 5 LDS References You Might Have Missed in “A Minecraft Movie”

Basil FawltyLeave a comment
Campus, Featured, News

Student Filibusters Class with Record-Breaking 50-minute Opening Prayer

Filled with righteous indignation and overcome by the spirit of the Lord, Carrie Brooker said the longest opening prayer ever recorded on BYU campus, leaving no time for class. “If Cory Booker can do it for 25 hours, surely I can make a stand for my fellow students,” Brooker stated. The astounding 50-minute prayer included the phrase “we’re thankful for this day” at least ten … Continue reading Student Filibusters Class with Record-Breaking 50-minute Opening Prayer

Swedish ChefLeave a comment
Featured

BYU Student Health Center Accused of Egregious Human Experimentation

The allegations are innumerable. With multiple disturbing accounts of strange student behavior occurring on campus, Provo residents are starting to suspect that the Student Health Center is to blame. “I heard they are testing mind-control drugs that can induce supernatural powers. The name of the experiment is something like “Project BY-Ultra.” stated Brison Weiss, a true crime enthusiast. Rumor has it that the student health … Continue reading BYU Student Health Center Accused of Egregious Human Experimentation

Kim Possible1 Comment