Top Finals Week Tips for Freshmen

Attention, freshmen! As finals week approaches, you may find yourself regretting your choice of educational institution. At this point in the semester, 89% of first year students say they want to transfer to UVU. The remaining 11% say they would like to leave civilization and start a homestead. But don’t despair, this article contains a foolproof methodology that will ensure your finals go smoothly and … Continue reading Top Finals Week Tips for Freshmen

American Heritage TA Drunk With Power

As finals approach, TAs all over campus are being flooded with requests from their students begging for extra credit and help. It’s gone to American Heritage TA Mahonri Dahl’s head. “I am all powerful,” cackled Dahl as he put a crown of Scantrons onto his head. “These freshmen shall bow before me and know the might of a teaching assistant!” “Is this another rule of … Continue reading American Heritage TA Drunk With Power

White Friday Sale at BYU Dubbed a ‘Bloodbath’

2023 marks the first year of the BYU Store’s “White Friday Sale”. While the sale had little promotional advertising, word-of-mouth alone generated a crowd of white Provo residents nothing short of massive. 50% off items such as chocolate-covered cinnamon bears and Mikarose dresses had Provo residents lining up as early as 4 a.m. As soon as they opened the doors, bystanders say they can only … Continue reading White Friday Sale at BYU Dubbed a ‘Bloodbath’

Survey: 72% of Business Students Already Failed No NCMO November

Brad Wilcox, BYU religion professor and General Officer of the Church, announced an extra credit opportunity. If, for the remainder of the month of November, a student was able to refrain from a non-committal make out (NCMO), they would receive twenty five extra credit points. Wilcox, in making the announcement, said “Not one of you is free from sin, but this would do a whole … Continue reading Survey: 72% of Business Students Already Failed No NCMO November

Sin Themed Haunted House Scares Students Straight

It seemed like all anyone could talk about this summer was the star studded Barbie movie, which dazzled audiences with its catchy soundtrack and hot pink set. However, the box office hit has a sinister side. Millions of people, including BYU students, are planning on dressing up in Barbie and Ken’s revealing outfits for Halloween. “We’re expecting a 75% increase in shoulder sightings from last … Continue reading Sin Themed Haunted House Scares Students Straight