Author: Warren Dusenberry

Warren is a skilled taxidermist and has over 10 years of experience designing farmhouse lofts. He got his start in writing in the early 1950s, and never quite figured it out. Catch him in his spare time going through other people's mail and fertilizing his expansive vegetable garden.
News, Sports

Writers at BYU AltUniverse Wonder if There’s a Point to Keeping “Sports” Page on Website

In their weekly staff meeting Wednesday, writers for the BYU Alternate Universe website grappled with the complicated issue of maintaining a page on their site dedicated entirely to sports articles. Concerns began to arise just several weeks after the website’s launch, as chief editor Warren Dusenberry noticed that not a single article had been written to fit in the “sports” category. Warren’s attempts to inspire … Continue reading Writers at BYU AltUniverse Wonder if There’s a Point to Keeping “Sports” Page on Website

Warren Dusenberry
Life

Apartment Tense as Third Day of No One Buying New Toilet Paper Drags On

“Hey, looks like we’re still out of toilet paper.” John Caster, Sophomore, laughed offhandedly to his roommates last Friday after emerging from the bathroom. While appearing cool and collected on the outside, John is reportedly only one more emergency bathroom visit away from breaking down. Our sources confirm that apartment #347 of King Henry is now in its third day of no one buying new … Continue reading Apartment Tense as Third Day of No One Buying New Toilet Paper Drags On

Warren Dusenberry
Life

BYU FHE Family Uncomfortable as Jessica Questions “Parents”

BYU FHE family group 6 of the 52nd ward of the BYU YSA 4th stake had an uncomfortable weekly meeting this past Monday as family member Jessica began questioning her FHE Mom and Dad.   “So Mom, how did you and Dad meet? Was it, like, love at first sight or did you date a ton first before getting married?” “Did it take you a … Continue reading BYU FHE Family Uncomfortable as Jessica Questions “Parents”

Warren Dusenberry
Life

Three: 8 Date Ideas For You, Your More Popular Friend and His/Her Date

Having a hard time finding a date? Don’t let that keep you out of the dating scene! There are all sorts of fun things you can do together with your more attractive, socially outgoing friends and the people that they’re dating. After reading this, you will never have a real excuse to be doing nothing on a Friday night ever again. If water sports are … Continue reading Three: 8 Date Ideas For You, Your More Popular Friend and His/Her Date

Warren Dusenberry
Campus, News

Shining Bearded President Worthen Announces Animal Sacrifice to Replace Honor Code

BYU President Kevin Worthen, having spent his holiday break exclusively in solitude atop Y-mountain returned this Tuesday to the rowdy crowds awaiting his traditional first devotional to open the new semester. Many are still in shock at his dramatic announcement that animal sacrifice as described in the Old Testament will be taking the place of BYU’s current honor code. The devotional itself got off to … Continue reading Shining Bearded President Worthen Announces Animal Sacrifice to Replace Honor Code

Warren Dusenberry