Author: Warren Dusenberry

Warren is a skilled taxidermist and has over 10 years of experience designing farmhouse lofts. He got his start in writing in the early 1950s, and never quite figured it out. Catch him in his spare time going through other people's mail and fertilizing his expansive vegetable garden.
News, Sports

Breaking: Cosmo Will Continue Performing Despite Loss of Head

BYU’s beloved mascot Cosmo the Cougar scared football fans for life last Saturday when, mid-flip, the iconic feline’s giant head became completely detached from his body and was horrifyingly launched onto the field. (Warning: graphic content. Video can be watched here.) Down-trodden but not defeated, an upbeat Cosmo appeared at a university press conference Monday and unequivocally affirmed his plans to continue performing this season – … Continue reading Breaking: Cosmo Will Continue Performing Despite Loss of Head

Warren Dusenberry
News

University of Utah Grads Resign from Fire Department as Wildfires Approach BYU

With pre-evacuation zones inching forward to within just a mile of many BYU students’ place of residence, a dozen graduates from the University of Utah parted ways with Provo Fire Department yesterday, citing the prospect of having to defend the campus of BYU from wildfires as a “major moral dilemma.” “It’s not that we want anyone at BYU to get hurt, per se.” says Jerry … Continue reading University of Utah Grads Resign from Fire Department as Wildfires Approach BYU

Warren Dusenberry1 Comment
Campus, Life, News

Trending: Get Points for Completely Ignoring Carbon-Based Lifeforms with This Groundbreaking App

Students from all over have been flooding the App Store this morning to download a revolutionary new game which promises to reward its users for completely ignoring any surrounding carbon-based lifeforms. Critics are already praising “ScreenFocus” as one of the defining apps of our generation, and a multi-million user fan base seems to agree. The app’s premise is a simple one. Tapping the bland app … Continue reading Trending: Get Points for Completely Ignoring Carbon-Based Lifeforms with This Groundbreaking App

Warren Dusenberry
News

Trump Lashes out at BYU for Outsourcing Students to Campus in Hawaii

In a series of strange tweets, the freshly inaugurated President Trump expressed his displeasure with Brigham Young University and their plans to continue “outsourcing” students overseas to a campus in Hawaii. President Trump lashed out at BYU immediately on his twitter page upon finding out this afternoon that 2,952 of the United States’ capable college students are currently enrolled in and taking classes on the … Continue reading Trump Lashes out at BYU for Outsourcing Students to Campus in Hawaii

Warren Dusenberry
Life

BYU Student Scans Calorie Content to Decide if Mindlessly Eating All 8 Servings on Accident Will Cause Major Health Problems

With textbooks strewn all over her desk and laptop open in preparation for what most certainly will be a strenuous biology study session, Carly Jones took a few seconds’ pause to quickly scan the nutritional facts of her jumbo bag of Doritos and make sure that mindlessly consuming all servings in a single sitting wouldn’t cause her major health problems. After several seconds of number … Continue reading BYU Student Scans Calorie Content to Decide if Mindlessly Eating All 8 Servings on Accident Will Cause Major Health Problems

Warren Dusenberry1 Comment