Author: Warren Dusenberry

Warren is a skilled taxidermist and has over 10 years of experience designing farmhouse lofts. He got his start in writing in the early 1950s, and never quite figured it out. Catch him in his spare time going through other people's mail and fertilizing his expansive vegetable garden.
Life, News

Local Student Confident He Will Recognize Correct Answer if Ballot is Multiple Choice

Tired of cramming for today’s midterm elections, local BYU student Michael Kap is calling it quits, confident that if the ballot is multiple choice he’ll recognize the correct answer right away when he sees it in the voting booth. “If there’s just going to be a series of bubbles and all the potential answers are listed next to them, I’m honestly not too worried about … Continue reading Local Student Confident He Will Recognize Correct Answer if Ballot is Multiple Choice

Warren Dusenberry
Life, Sports

Unhinged Sitake Aggressively Prepares for Boise State Game by Dropping Off Resume at Every Taco Bell in Utah

Following another disappointing loss, head coach Kalani Sitake is aggressively preparing for the football team’s next game against Boise State by actively applying for open positions at every Taco Bell across Utah. “I think we have a real chance against Boise State, but it will be a challenge.” Sitake expressed disinterestedly while scrolling through Taco Bell’s “Careers” webpage, “They’ve got a powerful company culture and … Continue reading Unhinged Sitake Aggressively Prepares for Boise State Game by Dropping Off Resume at Every Taco Bell in Utah

Warren Dusenberry
Campus, News

Ten Million Free Donuts Make Cougar Cash World’s Hottest Crypto Currency Overnight

When tasked with convincing students to invest in Cougar Cash not long ago, a team of distinguished BYU staff and faculty waged the entirety of their allocated budget on one wild gamble: 10,576,744 completely unimpressive, unashamedly store-bought, underwhelmingly-glazed donuts. After donating a few of their lunch breaks, putting on ties, setting up a simple table in the WILK and giving out over ten million cheap … Continue reading Ten Million Free Donuts Make Cougar Cash World’s Hottest Crypto Currency Overnight

Warren Dusenberry
News

“It’s Either Colbie or Me” – Desperate Archuleta Urges Nation to Text In Votes During BYU Spectacular

Less than 24 hours away from the kick off of BYU’s Homecoming Spectacular Concert, American Idol runner-up David Archuleta is pleading with fans throughout the country to text in their votes during the celebration. David, still tormented by his second place finish 10 years ago, is determined to finally earn the title of American Idol in a concert featuring both he and Grammy award-winning, multiplatinum-selling … Continue reading “It’s Either Colbie or Me” – Desperate Archuleta Urges Nation to Text In Votes During BYU Spectacular

Warren Dusenberry1 Comment
Campus, General Conference, News

BYU Temple Strong Among Conference Rumors

With the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints’ semi-annual General Conference just a few days away, very “credible sources” across the church have been hinting at some of the biggest changes to be announced. The possibility of a BYU Temple continues to stand out as one of the more reliable leaks. Thanks to the speculative social media posts of friends of people who are … Continue reading BYU Temple Strong Among Conference Rumors

Warren Dusenberry