Following a surge of public criticism, the BYU Honor Code Office released a statement today apologizing for earnestly believing that students were serious about keeping the promises they make every year in order to attend the private university. “I think this has all been a great misunderstanding.” writes Jeff Summers, director of dress code violations, in a statement released to the press, “This whole time … Continue reading Embarrassed BYU Honor Code Office Apologizes to Students for Taking Their Promises Seriously

Having finally received their official deportation orders, two missionaries detained in Russia over the past week are reportedly ecstatic to return home, and can’t wait to get started selling the movie rights to their story to whatever Christian production company will take them. Kole Brodowski, who, in contrast to his companion, was lucky enough to have his name released to the public, understands that negotiations … Continue reading Detained Russian Missionaries Excited to Come Home, Negotiate Movie Deal

Apartment managers, having sequestered themselves in a cramped, dimly lit, five foot by five foot room for nearly two months, are now cautiously unbolting the trap door. With another term gone, eye witnesses report that the management team is once again prepared to brave resident resentment for the sake of exacting cleaning check fees.  “I just assumed they were dead.” John Kirkland, Sophomore, said as … Continue reading Apartment Management Emerges Briefly from Panic Room to Conduct Cleaning Checks