Author: Warren Dusenberry

Warren is a skilled taxidermist and has over 10 years of experience designing farmhouse lofts. He got his start in writing in the early 1950s, and never quite figured it out. Catch him in his spare time going through other people's mail and fertilizing his expansive vegetable garden.
News

President Worthen Accidentally Qualifies for Second Round of Presidential Debates, Begins Attacking Joe Biden Immediately

President Worthen, who’s administration recently passed key changes to the Honor Code and created new economic opportunities through a Cougareat Wendy’s, received a surprise call from the DNC this afternoon. Having accidentally met the required polling threshold to qualify for the second round of democratic primary debates, BYU’s President is expected to join the other candidates on-stage tomorrow night. Worthen immediately began lashing out at … Continue reading President Worthen Accidentally Qualifies for Second Round of Presidential Debates, Begins Attacking Joe Biden Immediately

Warren Dusenberry
News

Cosmo Viciously Mauls Trek Wife in Faith-Promoting Reenactment of Pioneer Hardship

The Lehi 10th Stake was thoroughly enjoying their annual handcart trek through a blistering heatwave when fate blessed them with an inspiring disaster. It turns out Jedediah Smith’s family wasn’t the only thing starving on the trail. Just as they stopped for a moment to make sure they were still out of food, a disheveled looking Cosmo the Cougar leaped out from behind a tree … Continue reading Cosmo Viciously Mauls Trek Wife in Faith-Promoting Reenactment of Pioneer Hardship

Warren Dusenberry
Campus, News

BYU Administrators Disgusted by Conditions at Glenwood Student Detention Center on Campus Border

Amid reports of gross human rights violations, President Worthen and other BYU administrators took a trip to the campus border this week. They were outraged to discover the overcrowded, unsanitary conditions of the Glenwood student detention center, where hundreds of UVU students wait each year, hoping someday to be admitted into BYU. Administrators were given a tour of the student detention facilities by the property … Continue reading BYU Administrators Disgusted by Conditions at Glenwood Student Detention Center on Campus Border

Warren Dusenberry
Life, News

Provo Freedom Festival Parade Cancelled to Avoid Conflict with Stranger Things Season 3

Organizers of the annual 4th of July Freedom Festival had an embarrassing moment this morning when they realized they had scheduled the parade on the exact same day as the Stranger Things season 3 release. To save face, they’ve decided to call the whole thing off. “Look, I love parades as much as the next guy.” Parade planner Katie Nope explained, “But everybody just head … Continue reading Provo Freedom Festival Parade Cancelled to Avoid Conflict with Stranger Things Season 3

Warren Dusenberry