Trillions of Periodical Bug Boys Emerging in Eastern US This Summer

Two breeds of bug boy, one following a 13-year sales cycle and the other a 17-year sales cycle, are emerging together to create the largest swarm since 1803. The bug boys are emerging predominantly in Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Illinois, Kentucky, Maryland, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia. We asked famed entomologist B.E. Tell about this phenomenon. “It’s really fascinating that the … Continue reading Trillions of Periodical Bug Boys Emerging in Eastern US This Summer

BYU Preps For Oncoming EFY Storm

In just a few short weeks, BYU will be infested…not with insects or rodents, but with something far worse–EFY Teenagers.  BYU officials are aware of the monumental task that lies before them and have vowed to properly fortify BYU’s campus to face the onslaught, even creating a new task force called the Student Humanitarian Aid Response Team. We asked top BYU officials what their plan … Continue reading BYU Preps For Oncoming EFY Storm

Cosmo Cougar Gets Brazilian Butt Lift

BYU’s beloved mascot, Cosmo, has gotten a little cheekier.  The acrobatic cat recently underwent a procedure to add some extra size to his hindquarters and has become, for lack of a better term, “dummy thicc.” While rumors about the change spread at first, Cosmo’s most recent public appearance put those myths to rest.  When asked about the new changes, students have reacted differently. Freshman Jaykob … Continue reading Cosmo Cougar Gets Brazilian Butt Lift

BYU Student Meal Preps by Buying 10 Little Caesars Pizzas

In an effort to be more frugal and efficient with his weekly meals, sophomore Jeighdyn Jensen has come up with an ingenious plan: Buy all his pizza ahead of time.  “I reckoned that I could eat one pizza a day, give or take a couple slices. I figured ten was a good round number and that would give me a little extra leeway if I … Continue reading BYU Student Meal Preps by Buying 10 Little Caesars Pizzas

Student Discovers Nephite Treasures in Wilk Tunnels

Beneath BYU’s seemingly benign campus lays an intricate network of tunnels and caverns that have, until now, been undiscovered. (Except for your unemployed friends on Tuesday afternoons, that is.) Indeighyeanna Jensen, a 21 year old who moonlights as a freelance explorer and treasure-hunter, has made a stunning discovery deep under the Wilk, leaving students amazed and inspired. “When I heard about the sword of Laban, … Continue reading Student Discovers Nephite Treasures in Wilk Tunnels