Author: Paul Hollywood

Life

Elder Uchtdorf Comes Out of Retirement Amidst Air Incidents

Citing the latest buzz in the news over the many reported cases of aircraft collisions and crashes, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf has decided to end his retirement from aviation and go on a publicity tour to restore the global confidence in air travel once more. The German aviator, Apostle, and freelance model has long been an outspoken advocate for airplanes and air travel, frequently using … Continue reading Elder Uchtdorf Comes Out of Retirement Amidst Air Incidents

Paul Hollywood
Campus, Life

BYU Parking Police Super Chill Now, Announce “Just Park Anywhere”

The ever-stringent BYU parking authorities have relaxed their policies today, declaring that students and staff alike can, “just park wherever, man.” C. Carr Park, head of the parking division of BYU Security explained further that, “Effective immediately: all parking regulations and restrictions are lifted until further notice. If there’s anywhere with enough space for a car, you can park there.” President Reese commented on the … Continue reading BYU Parking Police Super Chill Now, Announce “Just Park Anywhere”

Paul Hollywood
Campus, Life

The Haunting History of the Cougareat

If you’ve ever felt uneasy in the Cougareat food court, it might be from more than just a bad chalupa or an extra spicy Chick-fil-a sandwich.  The Cougareat is one of BYU’s iconic landmarks and has a storied and far reaching history, predating the University itself.  Thousands of years ago, hunter-gatherers often stopped on this spot to make camp and swap stories. The great warrior … Continue reading The Haunting History of the Cougareat

Paul Hollywood
Featured, Uncategorized

Student Blinded By Brigham Square Repents, Changes Name

The installation of a new bright-white concrete surface in the quad area between the ASB, Library, and JKB has been met with hands over foreheads and squinted eyes. With very few trees or tall buildings to provide shade, Brigham Square is dangerously, even blindingly bright. So bright, in fact, that it recently converted a man to Christ. On the road from the HBLL to the … Continue reading Student Blinded By Brigham Square Repents, Changes Name

Paul Hollywood
Life

Student Devours Starving Student Card, Still Starves

In a shocking turn of events this week, a BYU student tragically perished after spending the last money he had on a starving student card that was sold to him in the BYU Bookstore. Sources report that the student, Gerry Hun, 20, of Orem, was on his way to buy some food to satiate his hunger when he was set upon by aggressive card salesmen. … Continue reading Student Devours Starving Student Card, Still Starves

Paul Hollywood