Author: Paul Atreides

Campus, Featured, Life, News, Uncategorized

Survey: 72% of Business Students Already Failed No NCMO November

Brad Wilcox, BYU religion professor and General Officer of the Church, announced an extra credit opportunity. If, for the remainder of the month of November, a student was able to refrain from a non-committal make out (NCMO), they would receive twenty five extra credit points. Wilcox, in making the announcement, said “Not one of you is free from sin, but this would do a whole … Continue reading Survey: 72% of Business Students Already Failed No NCMO November

Paul Atreides
Campus, Featured, Life

Provo Men Thinking About Zarahemla Again

Ladies, have you noticed the men in your life staring off into space after reading in Mosiah? How often does your boyfriend/fiancé/second cousin think about Captain Moroni, Alma the Younger, and King Benjamin? Has he ever said something like “Teancum was such a boss” or “Man, I wish Helaman was still around” or “I wrote in Pahoran for city council?” If so, you may be … Continue reading Provo Men Thinking About Zarahemla Again

Paul Atreides
Life

The Sun is Back

The Sun has returned. Yes, dear readers, through our combined prayers and diligence, we have brought back the orb of plasma that gives light and life to all on this ball of dirt. “Well, I guess I can get back to sinning,” was the response of Chet Jeffrey, Village resident and Aptive salesman. “I almost deleted Mutual, I was so scared.” Others, including Bradley Worthington, … Continue reading The Sun is Back

Paul Atreides
Life

The Sun is Gone

At approximately 10:28 am on Saturday the 14th, panicked observers in Utah reported that the Sun had disappeared. “ALL THERE IS IS A BLACK HOLE SURROUNDED BY FLAMES!” said Cannon Q. Georgeson, BYU freshman and business major. “THE END IS HERE!” Utah Governor Spencer Cox, BYU President C. Shane Reese, and other state officials prepared a military response to the darkening of the Sun. “We … Continue reading The Sun is Gone

Paul Atreides
Featured, Uncategorized

Murder After Dark: Benoit Blanc Called to Solve Sudden MOA Homicide

Yet again, there has been a murder. A body was found in the Museum of Art on Friday, with no immediately obvious cause of death, other than the knife sticking out of his chest. Jahnyt Marriott, an experience design and management major, was discovered lying near the gift shop, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. The timing was poor, as deaths often are–Art After Dark was … Continue reading Murder After Dark: Benoit Blanc Called to Solve Sudden MOA Homicide

Paul Atreides