Provo residents were shocked to find that a favorite local Mexican cafe- Rancherito’s- closed its doors to customers last weekend. For many, this was a cause for panic. Riots broke out in the streets. Social media cried out in woe. Everyone united in the same thought: Why do bad things happen to good people? Thanks to some expert investigative journalism conducted by The Alternate Universe, … Continue reading Provo Rancheritos Undergoing Major Seismic Strengthening to Fortify Against Events of the Last Days

As the popularity of the new Top Gun sequel skyrockets, so do suspicions that Brigham Young University’s Honor Code Office had a hand in the hair and makeup department of this film’s production. Many in the Utah Valley have noticed an unusually disproportionate ratio of above-the-lip to below-the-lip facial hair throughout the cast. In an interview with HCO leaders, these accusations were formally denied. “We … Continue reading Top Gun: Maverick Suspected to Be Anti-Beard Propaganda from BYU Honor Code Office

A Utah Valley poll conducted last week revealed an upward trend of figures such as bishops, professors, and bosses embracing their summer bodies. Many have been sighted at ward barbeques, tailgating parties, and enjoying the waterpark with the family. “There are enough hot dogs for seconds guys!” said Bishop Greg Gretsky, who was seen manning the grill at Provo 12346759034857th ward’s annual barbeque. While students … Continue reading Summer Brings Huge Spike in Amount of People in Your Life You Weren’t Expecting to See in Shorts