Author: Lisa Simpson

Campus, Featured, News, Uncategorized

‘Tall Club’ President Revealed to be 3 Freshmen In Trench Coat

BYU’s newest extracurricular organization ‘Tall Club’ is currently experiencing a power vacuum after the exposure of the club’s president as only 3 freshman in a trench coat. The main eyewitness was taking a bathroom break during a meeting when he got a surprise he wasn’t prepared for. “The top one was trying to use the urinal and basically the whole disguise fell apart,” reported 6’4″ … Continue reading ‘Tall Club’ President Revealed to be 3 Freshmen In Trench Coat

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Uncategorized

50 Ways to Smite the World This Christmas Season

50 WAYS TO SHUT OUT LIGHT Move someone’s bookmark to a different page. Burn down your local food bank. Scowl at someone. Leave a passive aggressive note for your mail carrier. Laugh at a friend. Leave a bad review for a local business. Abuse someone’s generosity. Scam an old person. Ask a woman if she’s pregnant. Tell a loved one their vibes are off. Sleep … Continue reading 50 Ways to Smite the World This Christmas Season

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured, Life

White Friday Sale at BYU Dubbed a ‘Bloodbath’

2023 marks the first year of the BYU Store’s “White Friday Sale”. While the sale had little promotional advertising, word-of-mouth alone generated a crowd of white Provo residents nothing short of massive. 50% off items such as chocolate-covered cinnamon bears and Mikarose dresses had Provo residents lining up as early as 4 a.m. As soon as they opened the doors, bystanders say they can only … Continue reading White Friday Sale at BYU Dubbed a ‘Bloodbath’

Lisa Simpson
Uncategorized

Elder Eyring Gets Emotional Eating Spicy Wings on Hot Ones

Hot Ones is the show with hot questions and hotter wings. Henry B. Eyring, the featured guest on this week’s episode, hardly made it to two thousand Scoville units before his voice started quivering. “I couldn’t tell if he was crying from the heat or just from answering my interview questions,” remarked Sean Evans, the show’s creator and host. “I’m surprised he made it as … Continue reading Elder Eyring Gets Emotional Eating Spicy Wings on Hot Ones

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Uncategorized

Provo Woman Finally Accepts She Isn’t Going to Have a Boyfriend for Couple’s Costume This Year

October is one of the most exciting times of year for Utah residents. Pumpkin patches, haunted houses, and house parties alike create many opportunities for socialization and romance. While many in Provo are flourishing amidst these festivities, others are floundering. Taycie Hunter had been collecting couple’s costume ideas in a saved Instagram folder all year. Now, Halloween is a day away and she is only … Continue reading Provo Woman Finally Accepts She Isn’t Going to Have a Boyfriend for Couple’s Costume This Year

Lisa Simpson