Author: Lisa Simpson

Featured, Life, News, Provo

Sell Outs? Church Sells Provo Temple Land to Developers—Cool Sculpting Clinic Coming 2025

Perhaps even the blessings of the temple can be bought out.  Earlier this month, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints finalized the sale of land that was formerly home to the historic Provo Temple. The buyers belong to a cool sculpting franchise by the name of UglyFattyBodyByeBye Inc., who paid over $300 million for the land. “We just really love the location. The … Continue reading Sell Outs? Church Sells Provo Temple Land to Developers—Cool Sculpting Clinic Coming 2025

Lisa Simpson
Campus, Featured, Life, Provo

Breaking: Least Charismatic Person in Your Ward Called as Sunday School Teacher

Provo residents report an increasing struggle to stay for the 2nd hour block of church. In light of this decreasing attendance, Provo 2846th ward knew they had to step up and make a change. That’s why they called Derrick, the least charismatic person within ward boundaries, as sole Sunday school teacher. “He was the perfect fit. His voice drones on like a dying air conditioning … Continue reading Breaking: Least Charismatic Person in Your Ward Called as Sunday School Teacher

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Uncategorized

Galentine’s Party Lasts Whole 20 Minutes Before It’s Just Women Spiraling About Singledom

Provo resident Taysom Stanton’s Galentine’s Party started at 7pm and ended at 7:20pm. Setting a new record, her party lasted a full 20 minutes before devolving into nothing more than women commiserating about singledom. The short-lived cheer proved that $100 worth of pink decor is no match for a room full of 20 women who can’t remember the last time they’ve been held. “No amount … Continue reading Galentine’s Party Lasts Whole 20 Minutes Before It’s Just Women Spiraling About Singledom

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Uncategorized

Exposed: Barefoot Cosmo’s OnlyFans income has been subsidizing your tuition for years

A new ethical debate is sweeping across campus this week after leaked financial documents confirm that the Barefoot Cosmo statue in the Wilkinson Center has been subsidizing BYU students’ tuition via online sex work. According to the documents, the statue brings in over $85,000 a month through an OnlyFans account set up in its name. The account features mainly photos of the statue’s human feet, … Continue reading Exposed: Barefoot Cosmo’s OnlyFans income has been subsidizing your tuition for years

Lisa Simpson
Featured

Student Home for Holidays Just Long Enough to Remember Why They Moved Out in First Place

Sarah Fuller could not have been more excited to finish finals and hop on her Delta flight home to Peoria, Illinois. And while at first she worried that 2 weeks wouldn’t be enough time to spend with her family, she has since realized it is actually just the right amount of time to remember why she moved out in the first place. “THERE’S A DIVINE … Continue reading Student Home for Holidays Just Long Enough to Remember Why They Moved Out in First Place

Lisa Simpson