Author: Lisa Simpson

Campus

Mass Book Burning Riot Rages at BYU Store in Response to Unsolicited Textbook Orders

With fall semester starting up at BYU, textbook season is in full swing yet again. Preparing yourself with all the right materials for your upcoming classes used to be a friendly endeavor. But as of this morning, the BYU store is literally under fire for trying to make a sneaky profit off of vulnerable underclassmen. Many underclassmen say that they got an email from the … Continue reading Mass Book Burning Riot Rages at BYU Store in Response to Unsolicited Textbook Orders

Lisa Simpson
Featured, Life, News

UVU announces new mascot “Costco the Ocelot”

BYU students and the general public alike are already crying “copycat” over the new face of Utah Valley University. Last Friday, UVU announced that they were lying their mascot Willy the Wolverine to rest to make room for their new figurehead, “Costco”. Costco is a 6 foot tall Ocelot who specializes in clogging. Though he sports green rather than blue, he seems eerily similar to … Continue reading UVU announces new mascot “Costco the Ocelot”

Lisa Simpson
Featured, News

President Worthen plans to cook, knit, and more after being released as Area Authority

Last week, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints announced the release of 66 area seventies, one of which happened to be BYU’s own fearless leader President Kevin “The Rock” Worthen. As Kevin’s call to the clergy comes to a close, he finds himself with one too many doors open. What time he used to spend in the work of the Lord, he’s now … Continue reading President Worthen plans to cook, knit, and more after being released as Area Authority

Lisa Simpson
Featured, News

New Church Anime “Wagon Ball Z” Released on Pioneer Day

Pioneer day is an occasion that allows the American West a chance to reflect on the sacrifice and courage of their pioneer ancestors. Behind Christmas and Easter, some call it the most important holiday that America has. This year, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is pioneering new ways to tell the story of the early Saints who crossed those unforgiving plains. In … Continue reading New Church Anime “Wagon Ball Z” Released on Pioneer Day

Lisa Simpson
Uncategorized

New Coffee Creamery Flavor Divides Provo

In this final glorious gospel dispensation, Latter Day Saints cherish the direction they have been given regarding what to put into their bodies. For decades, a cut and dry understanding of Doctrine and Covenants 89 had united the saints. However, with Bang Energy drinks, meaty barbecues, and now coffee flavored “Cosmochino Chunky Chocolate” ice cream at the BYU creamery, the lines today couldn’t be more … Continue reading New Coffee Creamery Flavor Divides Provo

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