2025 MARCH MADNESS BRACKET — WHAT’S THE WORST SIN?
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Author: Lisa Simpson
Honor Code Office Employees Revealed to be Severed
A recent investigation into BYU’s Honor Code Office has confirmed what many have speculated for years—all lower-level employees have undergone the severance procedure. The severance procedure is a surgical operation that splits an employee’s work and personal memories into two distinct consciousnesses, essentially creating separate “work” and “personal” identities, preventing them from accessing information about their personal lives while at work and vice versa. This … Continue reading Honor Code Office Employees Revealed to be Severed
Terrifying! VASA Bro Being Himself For Halloween
With All Hallows Eve on the horizon, Provo residents are narrowing in on their costumes of choice. And while some are playing it safe, others are erring on the scarier side. This year, one resident in particular has decided to go as a character more horrifying than them all—himself. Bryce Epp weighs in at a dense 6’4″ 250 pounds. He swipes by day and lifts … Continue reading Terrifying! VASA Bro Being Himself For Halloween
Slacker? This Woman Skipped Class to Work on Class
Leave it to midterm season to separate the wheat from the tares. While many have been putting their shoulder to the wheel this past week, others are cutting corners. Namely, Railen Smith. This double major completely blew off her eternal families class this morning to work on her huge philosophy 864R paper that’s due tonight. While Railen has historically been a star student, this disappointing … Continue reading Slacker? This Woman Skipped Class to Work on Class
Exposed: Bean Museum Contains No Beans
What was once merely a rumor has now been confirmed true. The Monte L. Bean Life Science Museum contains 0 beans. The whistleblower on the whole operation was sharp-witted chickpea of a freshman Cannellini Castro, from The Great Northern city of Lima, Peru. Northern in continental South American terms, of course. “I walked in and I was all, what’s the big idea with all these … Continue reading Exposed: Bean Museum Contains No Beans