Author: Marceline Abadeer

Campus, Featured, Uncategorized

Choose2Give Campaign Resorts to Vigilantism

After receiving less donations than expected this year, the Choose2Give campaign has hired a masked figure to secure sufficient funds for students in need. These funds are reportedly being procured through the attacking of random students and redistributing the loot to other random students. “He’s like a broken Robin Hood that steals from the poor to give to the poor,” says economics major Nataleigh Bryant. … Continue reading Choose2Give Campaign Resorts to Vigilantism

Marceline AbadeerLeave a comment
5 Things to Know, Campus, Featured

Campus Cryptids You Should Know About

Here at The Alternate Universe, we receive all kinds of messages–ransom notes, declarations of love and adoration, world domination plans, you name it. As of late, we have received a particular influx of paranormal reports. Specifically, we are receiving accounts of cryptid sightings on BYU campus. As your primary source of the latest news, we are morally and legally obligated to provide you with the … Continue reading Campus Cryptids You Should Know About

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Campus, Featured

Student Breaks As Many Honor Code Rules As Possible Using Honor Week T-Shirt

The free t-shirt in the Wilk is every student’s favorite part of Honor Week. In fact, it’s probably the only reason any student is water that Honor Week is even a thing. However, concerns are being raised that these T-shirts may be more destructive than they are honorable, as one student has taken it upon himself to use the shirt to disobey as many policies … Continue reading Student Breaks As Many Honor Code Rules As Possible Using Honor Week T-Shirt

Marceline Abadeer
Featured, News

President Nelson “Truly Saddened” By TikTok Ban

As the new year ushers in significant changes—a new president, the beginning of Gen-Beta, and, for you BYU cougs, the onset of a quarter-life crisis—it’s hard for President Russell M. Nelson to say all of these shifts are for the better. The 100-year-old leader has specifically pointed to the new TikTok ban as a major setback for his year. “I had at least 200 drafts … Continue reading President Nelson “Truly Saddened” By TikTok Ban

Marceline Abadeer
Campus, Featured

Brigham’s Wagon Utterly Consumed By Locusts

In a catastrophic turn of events, the famed Brigham’s Wagon food truck has reportedly been devoured by a horde of belligerent locusts. Witnesses watched in horror as the voracious insects—believed to number no less than 10 million—descended upon the truck, irresistibly drawn by the scent of Wagon Tots and Handcart Tacos. BYU freshman Ryan Smith recounted: “It was like they knew exactly what they were … Continue reading Brigham’s Wagon Utterly Consumed By Locusts

Marceline Abadeer