Author: Marceline Abadeer

conference, Featured, General Conference

Heinous Criminal Redistributes Conference Broadcast, Struck Down

Local man Jordan P. Jensen is in critical condition after redistributing segments of this weekend’s LDS General Conference broadcast without written consent — an act which, according to ancient legal scrolls, shattered a sacred copyright seal and summoned the long dormant fury of Bonneville Distribution. The broadcast, which begins with the famous warning, “This broadcast is furnished as a public service by Bonneville Distribution. Any … Continue reading Heinous Criminal Redistributes Conference Broadcast, Struck Down

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Campus, Featured, News

​​Dead Body Mistaken as Sunbather Goes Unnoticed for Days

 Here at BYU, students do more than just soak with each other. They also soak up the sun the moment it peeks out of the clouds of Fake Spring. However, the recent death of sophomore Bryce Garrison, 23, has cast a dismal shadow over campus. Garrison’s body was discovered on the lawn near the Joseph Knight Building on Friday by a groundskeeper who noticed he … Continue reading ​​Dead Body Mistaken as Sunbather Goes Unnoticed for Days

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Featured

PLEEEASE STAAAY!: Woman Questions Faith After Benson Boone Leaves Church

And just like that, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has lost another American Idol pretty boy. The news of superstar Benson Boone’s official disassociation with the church has had a profound effect on both the media, and Boone’s Latter Day Saint fanbase. Kimmie White, one such fan explained to Alternate Universe her own feelings about the event: “I just don’t know … Continue reading PLEEEASE STAAAY!: Woman Questions Faith After Benson Boone Leaves Church

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Campus, Featured, Uncategorized

Choose2Give Campaign Resorts to Vigilantism

After receiving less donations than expected this year, the Choose2Give campaign has hired a masked figure to secure sufficient funds for students in need. These funds are reportedly being procured through the attacking of random students and redistributing the loot to other random students. “He’s like a broken Robin Hood that steals from the poor to give to the poor,” says economics major Nataleigh Bryant. … Continue reading Choose2Give Campaign Resorts to Vigilantism

Marceline Abadeer
5 Things to Know, Campus, Featured

Campus Cryptids You Should Know About

Here at The Alternate Universe, we receive all kinds of messages–ransom notes, declarations of love and adoration, world domination plans, you name it. As of late, we have received a particular influx of paranormal reports. Specifically, we are receiving accounts of cryptid sightings on BYU campus. As your primary source of the latest news, we are morally and legally obligated to provide you with the … Continue reading Campus Cryptids You Should Know About

Marceline Abadeer