Happy first week of the semester Cougars. Have you counted your blessings recently? Because if you thought your syllabi were hard, try getting killed before you even have the opportunity to drop the class. That’s right, only one week into the new year and BYU already mourns the first murder of the semester. We must not that for legal reasons we cannot disclose the apartment … Continue reading BYU Student Kills New Roommate Thought Intruder
One of the main ethical responsibilities of journalism is to serve the public and keep power in check. That’s why when the Alternate Universe team heard the report of a mysterious low ponytail spotted on the scalp of BYU President Kevin Worthen, we had to send a team of our best investigative journalists to find the facts. The plan was simple: one AU journalist would … Continue reading Are We Crazy, or Has President Worthen Always Had This Little Ponytail?
The BYU Wilkinson Center is mainly known to function as a center on campus for studying, eating, and ignoring booths of solicitors. But under the innocent mirage of a student center lies another sinister purpose: a prison. Many have noticed the daily disturbance coming from a pianist at the center of the Wilk. What they might not know, is that this infamous pianist quite literally … Continue reading Wilkinson Piano Player Actually Chained Against His Will
Picture it: a quant Utah McMansion. Inside, David Archuleta and Lindsey Stirling record themselves doing the latest TikTok trend in the foyer. Above them on the balcony, Cosmo the Cougar performs continual backflips on Instagram live. Next to him, Hank Smith drafts his latest batch of tweets. In the property’s music studio, the hottest members of Vocal Point threaten the release of a new album. … Continue reading Holy Clout: Church Creates First LDS “Hype House” in Attempt to Reach Gen Z Audience
Elder Jeffrey R.Holland’s address on August 23 continues to generate a tense environment both online and in public here at BYU. Many upset individuals say the controversy casts a shadow over the first week back into a traditional fall semester. But when you think about it- is there anything more traditional than BYU shooting themselves in the foot with negative PR? As in an actual … Continue reading “I Would Rather Dismantle a Bomb Than Open Twitter” Admits Dead-Eyed BYU Social Media Intern
