Author: Sue Sylvester

Campus, News

Student Within Cosmo Suit Dies From Heat Exhaustion While Performing

Confused cheers at Miller Park quickly turned into alarmed screams last Saturday when the beloved Cosmo the Cougar suddenly collapsed during a heated BYU Baseball game. And we don’t mean heated in the sense that the two baseball teams were combative- the BYU players literally handed out copies of the Book of Mormon to the opposing team after the game. We mean in the sense … Continue reading Student Within Cosmo Suit Dies From Heat Exhaustion While Performing

Sue Sylvester
BYU Voices, Campus, Life

Support Group Formed for People Who Graduated Without a Ring

After years of hard work, papers, tests, and trauma, all Steve Cragun was left with was a lousy diploma when he graduated from BYU. According to Cragun, he didn’t endure six years of his Bachelor’s Degree just to walk away with some stupid piece of paper; he was hoping to find his eternal partner at BYU. But like many recent grads, Cragun found himself spouseless … Continue reading Support Group Formed for People Who Graduated Without a Ring

Sue Sylvester
5 Things to Know

Five Things 2022 Grads Should Know Before Entering the Workforce

Congratulations class of 2022- you did it! You cheated on just enough online exams to walk the stage and confront your destiny as a future TJ Maxx Associate (assuming you graduated with a Communications degree). Onto the next chapter, as they say. But as many will soon realize, the leap from the Lord’s University to the secular world is more like jumping into a whole … Continue reading Five Things 2022 Grads Should Know Before Entering the Workforce

Sue Sylvester
News

Table Storage in Church Gym Claims Another Local Child

Another Sunday, another child seized by supernatural forces beyond our comprehension. Tragedy strikes the hearts of LDS families again as yet another child was reportedly taken by a mystic void located in a church building. Nine-year-old Johnny Rees was last seen playing near his church building’s table storage area before abruptly disappearing altogether. As it is commonly known, a dark supernatural force resides in every … Continue reading Table Storage in Church Gym Claims Another Local Child

Sue Sylvester
Campus, Featured, News

Breaking: Man-Eating Cougar Spotted on Campus, Starves to Death

Dozens of aware students exhaled a sigh of relief this afternoon as BYU Police announced that a man-eating cougar roaming on campus has officially passed away due to starvation. Security officials initially reported the numerous cougar sightings late Thursday night last week. The reports detailed a young female cougar had strayed from Y Mountain and found her way to campus. Bizarrely, BYU Police confirmed the … Continue reading Breaking: Man-Eating Cougar Spotted on Campus, Starves to Death

Sue Sylvester