Author: Renesmee

Ever since coming of age at age 7, Renesmee has been delightfully working at the Alternate Universe. She is from Highland, Utah, and she enjoys dancing, singing, hiking, reading, and blood. Renesmee is majoring in Computer Science with a minor in French because her name is supposedly French. In her spare time, she enjoys long walks on the beach with Jacob, which is not weird at all. Here's a video of her from a few years ago: https://youtu.be/UyuIcE7P6_A After graduation, Renesmee plans to get a PhD in estheticianing and an MD in plastic surgery. Want to steal her look? She will open a practice in Los Angeles. Renesmee is a mother of four dogs and one goldfish, all named Ethyl.
Campus, Life, Sports

Meryl Streep to perform at Saturday’s men’s basketball halftime show

Five-time Emmy Award and Oscar Nominee Meryl Streep just agreed to perform Saturday night! She will be singing her hit single, I Need a Hero. “I believe there is a hero in all of us, from Shrek to Jesus, and from Tom Hanks to Scooby Doo,” says Streep. “I just wish I had a hero. It is so lonely sometimes, being known as a sophisticated philanthropist, soccer … Continue reading Meryl Streep to perform at Saturday’s men’s basketball halftime show

Renesmee
Life, News

Homemade crystal meth diffuses around Heritage Halls building, students in the vicinity still high

  On February 20th, A Heritage Halls student, who is somehow over the age of 18, formed a methamphetamine cloud while making homemade crystal meth. When University Police arrived, the top floor of the building was cloudy. “We could only see two feet in front of ourselves,” says Joe Bob, BYU’s Chief of Police. “It was an honest mistake. Just make sure to take Chem … Continue reading Homemade crystal meth diffuses around Heritage Halls building, students in the vicinity still high

Renesmee
Campus, Featured, Life

Chuck E. Cheese Buys BYU Duck Pond

Move over, Cosmo! There’s a new mascot in town! Chuck E. Cheese just bought the BYU duck bond for $5.8 million. In an effort to “revitalize” BYU’s campus, the company plans to build artificial islands with a miniature city complete with a full-sized Chuck E. Cheese’s building. BYU’s Board of Trustees eagerly approved the BYU duck pond remodel because there is nothing more that they … Continue reading Chuck E. Cheese Buys BYU Duck Pond

Renesmee
Uncategorized

BYU Fine Arts to Offer New Program: Continuing the Legacy of Tom Hanks

In loving memory of Tom Hanks, the deans of BYU’s college of fine arts and the film department have met and decided to open a new department based on Tom Hanks’s marvelous work. Each class will be focused on a different movie and its corresponding role that Tom Hanks played. Film student Marcus Flibberbottom remarks, “I will really miss Tom Hanks, but it is time … Continue reading BYU Fine Arts to Offer New Program: Continuing the Legacy of Tom Hanks

Renesmee
Campus, Featured, Uncategorized

Now’s the Time to Choose Your Winter 2022 Mustache

The amount of time it takes for men to grow facial hair remains a mystery to womankind. But for me, as a woman, it takes about two days. Four if I want it to be visible, which I do not. For the sake of relevance, let’s say it takes about five days. Are you interested in a flashy new mustache for the new semester, but … Continue reading Now’s the Time to Choose Your Winter 2022 Mustache

Renesmee