Author: Dr. Doof

Life

Commemorative “Pumpkin Spice” Option Introduced to Sacrament Meeting

In a dual effort to celebrate the beauty of fall and increase YSA ward attendance, the Utah Area Presidency has introduced a new pumpkin spice sacrament option. The recent change comes after a supposed correlation was found between a drop in fall YSA Ward attendance and a surprising rise in Starbucks revenues within the Utah Area. Further research found that this revenue spike came not … Continue reading Commemorative “Pumpkin Spice” Option Introduced to Sacrament Meeting

Dr. Doof
conference, Life

General Conference to Feature AGT-Style Buzzers

As part of a series of revelatory changes involving Church structure and meeting organization, the First Presidency announced this morning that, beginning with the October 2023 Session, General Conference will now feature a voting system not unlike that of the popular reality TV show America’s Got Talent. As detailed in the surprise press conference, each member of the First Presidency will be able to vote on … Continue reading General Conference to Feature AGT-Style Buzzers

Dr. Doof
Featured, Uncategorized

Dallin H. Oaks Morphs Into Bald Eagle In Honor of Constitution Month

In a stunning display of religious patriotism, President Dallin H. Oaks of the First Presidency has publicly transformed himself into a bald eagle. The transformation occurred at the peak of the newly-christened “Constitution month,” an attempt by the Utah government to stave off growing “anti-American sentiments” among the young people. “I don’t even know how it happened,” observer Stevia Taylor commented. “Out of nowhere, I … Continue reading Dallin H. Oaks Morphs Into Bald Eagle In Honor of Constitution Month

Dr. Doof
Featured, Uncategorized

President Reese Officially changes BYU Name to “Y”

History has been made at the University formerly known as BYU. Just one day before his inauguration, President C. Shane Reese has announced that the University’s name will be permanently changed to the simpler “Y.” Reese said the change reflects his desire to “Make the ‘Y’ cooler than it has ever been” and hopes the students will immediately begin using the University’s new name. “It … Continue reading President Reese Officially changes BYU Name to “Y”

Dr. Doof