Much to the chagrin of those who expected a conventional Easter egg hunt, the Easter Bunny has been arrested in New York City for violating quarantine. “We warned Mr. Bunny several times leading up to the holiday that the restrictions imposed by the City of New York applied to him as well.” says Police Chief Ian Grover, “Mr. Bunny’s flagrant disregard for safe social distancing … Continue reading Easter Bunny Arrested For Breaking Quarantine
Strange times such as these dictate strange responses. As such, the Alternate Universe is providing a way for you to avoid the upcoming plague of locusts that we are certain is coming. This article must be liked and shared by everyone who sees it, lest your home be consumed by a swarm of locusts. This is the only way to prevent your beloved home from … Continue reading Share This Article With 3 People Or Your Home Will Be Consumed By Locusts
The cancellation of the 2020 NCAA Men’s and Women’s Basketball Tournaments led many sports enthusiasts to seek alternative outlets to slake their competitive thirsts. For BYU Sports Nation hosts Spencer Linton and Jarom Jordan, this took the form of simulated tournaments on NCAA Basketball 2009 on Jordan’s PlayStation 2. The tournaments took place from early Tuesday morning until late Wednesday night: “It was a lot … Continue reading BYU Sports Nation Hosts Play NCAA Tourneys on PlayStation, Claim Basketball National Titles for BYU
An earthquake on Wednesday morning caused some damage to a beloved Salt Lake landmark. The Angel Moroni statue atop the Salt Lake City Temple was stripped of its trumpet due to seismic activity. This did not deter the Church’s plan to launch the statue into low orbit later on that same day. “We were aware that some superficial damage to the statue could occur during … Continue reading Angel Moroni on Salt Lake Temple Drops Trumpet, Launches Into Upper Atmosphere
Early Friday morning a coalition of “scientists” from the Draper, Utah area announced that essential oils are effective against COVID-19. According to their “very thorough, very professional” studies, using oil from “Toxicodendron radicans” can lead to a remission in corona virus symptoms and also a sturdy defense against economic downturn. “It’s not really surprising,” said “researcher” Cambreyn Dylan, “after all, it’s from nature so it … Continue reading Draper-Area ‘Scientists’ Report Essential Oils Effective Against COVID-19, Economic Downturn
