Author: Donald Cherry

News

Mitt Romney Fights Off MAGA Mob with Donkey’s Jawbone

As members of a pro-Trump mob laid siege to the United States Capitol on Wednesday, most elected officials were quickly evacuated to safety. Mitt Romney of Utah chose to stay behind in what observers called “an almost suicidal effort to hold back the mob.” According to eye-witnesses, Senator Romney removed his shirt before grabbing what appeared to be a donkey’s jawbone from his desk. Romney … Continue reading Mitt Romney Fights Off MAGA Mob with Donkey’s Jawbone

Donald Cherry
Life

Student Disappointed He Can’t See Grandma for Holidays, Mails Her Anthrax to Make Up for It

BYU student Kyle Denver was disappointed to hear that his grandparents were going to play it safe this holiday season. Grandma and Grandpa Denver notified the Kyle and his family that they wouldn’t be coming into town for Thanksgiving to avoid catching COVID-19. They said they’d be calling over Zoom and Facetime to check in with the family. This was unacceptable to Kyle who decided … Continue reading Student Disappointed He Can’t See Grandma for Holidays, Mails Her Anthrax to Make Up for It

Donald Cherry
News

BYU Students Vote Biden to Make Sure Provo Is Blue on Map, Not Red

After the votes had all been tallied, several precincts in Provo reported that, for the first time in over three thousand years, BYU students had chosen a Democrat, Joe Biden, as their preferred option for President of the United States. Some Utah Democrats were happy to see this as a sign of things to come in the state while others had a different interpretation of … Continue reading BYU Students Vote Biden to Make Sure Provo Is Blue on Map, Not Red

Donald Cherry
News

Local Political Genius Decides He Doesn’t Like Either Side

Local political genius Darren Sims came forward on Friday morning with a ground breaking announcement, declaring that he “doesn’t like either side” in the upcoming election. This move is unexpected from Sims who had previously been heard to say that he “thinks that both sides should calm down”. Much has been said about the upcoming election and for many people it has taken the shape … Continue reading Local Political Genius Decides He Doesn’t Like Either Side

Donald Cherry
News

Gov. Herbert Declares Early Halloween in Effort to Encourage Mask Wearing

Utah Governor Gary Herbert has declared that Utah will be in a state of permanent Halloween between now (19th) and when conventional Halloween begins on the 31st. This comes in the wake of a series of changes made to the state’s Coronavirus response program. “We know that essential oils moms love Halloween and have no problem with everyone wearing uncomfortable costumes and masks for that, … Continue reading Gov. Herbert Declares Early Halloween in Effort to Encourage Mask Wearing

Donald Cherry