Author: Donald Cherry

Uncategorized

BYU Declares Every Weekday to be Tuesday Followed by Two Sundays

In an unexpected move, Brigham Young University announced that every weekday will now be a Tuesday and that every weekend will consist of two Sundays. “We realized that having more Tuesdays meant having more of what people really attend BYU for, the University Devotionals.” says BYU President Kevin Worthen “Following that up with back-to-back Sundays was a natural move as well.” With the new expectation … Continue reading BYU Declares Every Weekday to be Tuesday Followed by Two Sundays

Donald Cherry
Campus

Provo Voices: Wearing Two Masks Instead of Just One

The CDC recently confirmed that wearing two masks better prevents the spread of COVID-19. What do you think?   “Sweet, now I can keep up my renegade reputation by only wearing one mask.” Kaetelyn Danger – Rollerblading World Champion “I’ve been wearing masks since April 2018. It’s not that big of a deal in my line of work.” Robbin Steele – HFAC Burglar “I thought … Continue reading Provo Voices: Wearing Two Masks Instead of Just One

Donald Cherry
Uncategorized

President Nelson Debuts New Robot Arm, Possibly a Vaccine Side Effect

This morning President Russell M. Nelson confirmed reports that he has indeed developed an awesome new robot arm. It is still unclear if this new development is a side effect of the COVID-19 vaccine or an unrelated occurrence. “This robot arm is much stronger than my old arm, it’ll be good to help out with the folding chairs after stake conference.” said President Nelson. Experts … Continue reading President Nelson Debuts New Robot Arm, Possibly a Vaccine Side Effect

Donald Cherry
Life, News

Trump Pardons U of U Mascot On Last Day in Office, Swoop Officially Released Into the Wild

In a flurry of activity Tuesday afternoon, President Trump issued several pardons as his term came to an end. Among those pardoned was the University of Utah mascot, Swoop. A spokesperson for the President stated “The President sees Swoop as a national hero and thinks it a travesty that Swoop has been dealt such a great injustice by the corrupt deep state.” Swoop has been … Continue reading Trump Pardons U of U Mascot On Last Day in Office, Swoop Officially Released Into the Wild

Donald Cherry