Author: Bobby Zimmeruski

Campus, Featured

BYU Gym Employee Fired After Playing Music With an Actual Beat

This past Tuesday, Billy Eilish started off his shift at his newly acquired gym job with a plan to change the world. “I had been working at the [BYU Gym] for about two weeks and the music was driving me insane,” Billy told the Alternate Universe. “After hearing exclusively Coldplay and Imagine Dragons for two straight weeks, I was ready to be swallowed in the … Continue reading BYU Gym Employee Fired After Playing Music With an Actual Beat

Bobby Zimmeruski
Featured, Sports

Joe Burrow loses Super Bowl after not paying tithing

After losing the important game of his career, Burrow only can blame one person: himself. The Bengals lost a close, hard-fought game this Sunday. On the sidelines, word got out that Joe Burrow had not paid his tithing that month. The Alternate Universe received an exclusive interview with Burrow because we’re just cool like that. “I can only blame myself at this point,” Joe Burrow … Continue reading Joe Burrow loses Super Bowl after not paying tithing

Bobby Zimmeruski
Featured, Sports

Ministering Rates Mysteriously Increase on Super Bowl Sunday

As Super Bowl Sunday is upon us once again, we can finally enjoy the culmination of years training from athletes who are, and will always be, better than you. But on this year’s Super Bowl Sunday, you can look forward to a visit from people who are not, and will never be, better than you: your ministers. The Church has noticed a strange trend in … Continue reading Ministering Rates Mysteriously Increase on Super Bowl Sunday

Bobby Zimmeruski
Campus, Featured

BYU Creamery Releases new ‘Fry Sauce’ Flavored Dairy Products

If this isn’t the sign of the end of days, then we don’t know what is. BYU Creamery has recently announced that they will soon release fry-sauced inspired products such as Fry Sauce Milk and Fry Sauce Mint Brownies. The full list of these crimes against humanity are: Fry sauce Chocolate milk, fry sauce mint brownies, fry sauce ice cream, fry sauce pepper-jack cheese, and … Continue reading BYU Creamery Releases new ‘Fry Sauce’ Flavored Dairy Products

Bobby Zimmeruski
Life

Student Cured of Clinical Depression After Seeing Funny Minion Meme on Facebook

Minion memes are finally getting the respect they deserve. Steven Carroll was casually scrolling through Facebook one day, as all typical 23-year-old single white males do, when he stumbled upon his mom’s Facebook post. Little did he know, his life would be changed forever. “When I saw it, I almost went into cardiac arrest” Steven Carroll recounted. “You can ask my roommates, they legit thought … Continue reading Student Cured of Clinical Depression After Seeing Funny Minion Meme on Facebook

Bobby Zimmeruski